My Antinatalism.

I didn’t understand this when I was younger, but I’ve always had an immense hatred for culture. I consider culture to be delusional values which humans mindlessly coerce onto each other, spreading it no differently than any other disease. I previously sought to eliminate my cultural values to the greatest extent that I could. Through this I expected to gradually discover values of an inner self which could be reconciled with this society, so that I could engage in activities and pursue goals which would lead to happiness. Eventually I got to a point where I had sufficiently freed myself from what I called “cultural values” when I analyzed all of the things which brought me happiness and all the goals which I wanted to pursue, I realized that absolutely everything about those things that appealed to me was entirely a consequence of my cultural infection. Formerly, I had rejected some aspects of culture while accepting other ones, and merely not calling them cultural as if those values were somehow transcendent and fine. It was at that point that I realized that there is no such thing as an inner self. Any sense of self is a delusional cultural construct. I realized that cultural infections were the sole source of any possible value beyond base values. 

For a while, I believed that happiness could be attained if culture could theoretically be eradicated, and anarchoprimitivism were to take hold.  Replace all instances of technology with culture in the analytic sections of Industrial Society and Its Future and you basically have my mentality at the time regarding the pernicious effects of culture. The problem was that I’d not been addressing what happiness is. Happiness is merely the fulfilment of value, I recognized that if cultural values were eliminated, the happiness which results from their fulfilment would not be needed because happiness becomes an unnecessary and incoherent concept when it is removed from its concept — context. A common theme in my quasi-anarcho-primitivist thought at the time is that non-base values exist only as a consequence of cultural infections and impede on the happiness which results from the fulfilment of feral values. As if my feral self is — in short metaphysically the real me, whose soul had been devoured by the culturally constructed impostor of the self. But my feral self was also an impostor. Just as I realized that I could eliminate non-base values and have no need for the happiness which resulted from their fulfilment, I could eliminate base-values and have no need for the happiness which resulted from their fulfilment. It was not only the disease of culture that had been plaguing me all along, but it was also the disease of life itself. I was not and I am not in some existential crisis, I’ve never had the slightest problem with the obvious nonexistence of free will, objective purposes, and all of that. I have always been entirely psychologically capable of accepting my own subjective values and goals, even though I know they are consummately inconsequential, and it doesn’t bother me at all. 

The problem is not that I seek meaning and cannot find it. The problem is that I do feel immense meaning, and so does everyone else who is alive. Meaning is an abstract interpretation of value which exists only because of life. Just as I sought to eradicate the delusional values which culture infected me with, the final solution is the termination of my life, to rid myself of all value. The solution cannot be to embrace some aspect of life, as if the erosion of delusions is the cause of this. Life is what urgently caused me to have value, and changing my life will never do anything but create different delusions than the ones I already have.