something that stresses me OUT !!!

i've always disliked having long hair, nothing to do with my gender or anything... but it makes me feel so uncomfortable !!!!!!!!!!!

there is this one idea that has been on my head since 2019, and that is... shaving my entire head... CRAZY IK !!! i've asked my family about it, and most of my siblings like the idea, but ... my grandparents ? HATE IT.

they've got their personal reasons, my grandma is worried about what other people would say, wondering if i am sick or something. BUT.... my grandpa said that i'd look fucking ugly, that made me feel worse, but at the same time it made me feel SO REVELIOUS !! i have the money to cut my hair, but i do not know if i am brave enough to do so. it stresses me out so much sometimes i can't do anything but sit there... suffering from anxiety !!

one of my worries is that i would look ugly !! as a fat woman, it makes me wonder if my double chin would make it look ugly. i feel like people would make fun of it like "LOOK AT THAT FATASS WITH THE SHAVED HEAD... SO UGLY!!" but i feel like i shouldn't care.

i hate having long hair, i've tried getting a bob cut, a pixie cut, shaving one side, shaving both sides, WHATEVER. and it still makes me feel... weird??

i don't like the feel when its wet after taking a shower, i don't like it when i get knots on it, i don't like it when i get depressive episodes and i can't take care of it. I HATE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT IT.

i think i might need to talk to my big sister about it, she'll probably help me with it, having a solution as convincing my grandparents on letting me to do it (or at least convince my grandma). AFTER ALL it is a big decision... that i have been overthinking on it for 2 years... TIRED OF IT !!