Does anyone ever read these?

Curious about that first part, regardless it's been a while.

      I've been doing my best to keep myself steady in the head, but I have recently ditched my meds. I just couldn't stand the stupid bullshit regarding having to bend over backwards to talk to some lady to get the same meds, every single month. It got beyond tedious, not just that but having to show my face (as my appointments were via an online service) was gross.
  I hate how I look, a lot. It's just how I am, and I really hated having to constantly show my ugly mug to some lady.

  Oh and I've been in like 2-3~ more plays now, that's been something. I realized I hate the one thing I'm good at it seems, also got an award. Felt bitter, I wanted to act this year, but the times I tried, I got shut down HARD. So I guess no acting for Smiley, at least no time soon. (If Ever.)

  Oh and I feel less isolated, still romantically lonely but that's for the best. To be truthful, I think I might be a bad person, and this might be the karmic retribution I deal with.

  None of this is supposed to be read as 'woe is me, pity me.' More just a inconsistent flow of thoughts gurgling out of my mind.