Do-over | -a

I still talk to him. I miss when we were in love. Now it feels more like being in love. It's just. Bitter. I can't fully forgive him for what he did. I want to fully forgive him, forget anything happened, start dating again and act like nothing's wrong. But even if I could, how long until his next episode? How long until he casts me aside again? Until he gets bored of me again? No matter how much I love him, part of me can't help but hate him for what he did. 

When we were dating, it felt like a cage with a lock on it. He always vented to me all the time about his dead dad or his mom being a bitch to him, but any time I said something negative about my life, he acted like I was telling him every tiny problem and everything terrible that happened to me. It was a constant battle to get him to not kill himself, and it damaged me a lot I think. But I love him anyways, still. I just wish we could get a complete restart. Go back to before we dated. Just. Don't fuck it up this time.