20 weeks of paramore - week 3

“now when i caught myself, i had to stop myself…”

welcome to week 3! still going. this week’s song is another regularly-repeated song of mine, i caught myself. specifically has to be covered now, because it’s “march, the middle of the semester.” can’t pass through march without mentioning at least one of the tracks paramore gave the movie’s stellar soundtrack. but i wanted to give this one some love first, because i feel it’s pretty underrated. (not saying that decode is bad of course, i love it!)

if i remember correctly, i caught myself is decode’s older sibling, predating twilight a bit (meaning to say, they already had the song in their bank before they worked on the soundtrack). somehow, i watched the twilight movie multiple times without hearing this song? but once i was able to from the start, i totally fell in love with it. the way the intro gradually becomes more complex, with new parts layering on top of each other again and again. reflecting the lyrics, how the singer doesn’t know what she really wants going forward, yet can’t stop thinking about what she's getting into. hypnotic, to cite. all the possibilities, anxiously cycling through again and again.

i used to relate to this song, but not in the way that was intended (wanting what’s bad for you). instead, when i have something good, i feel undeserving at times. and so i found myself somewhat mirrored with the idea that i should catch and stop my dreaming even though i want them. but the final repeat of the chorus felt freeing, almost healing, thinking about how i will go towards something i want and will accept my wants despite my insecurity. totally opposite— it's confusing.

thanks for reading! have a lovely day.

- eugene