"I don't mean I'm shy": on being an introvert

Something you need to know about me is that I'm not really the sociable type. I consider myself an introvert. But when I say I'm introverted, I don't mean I'm shy, and that's something people frequently get wrong. I think a lot of them are under the assumption that you're either shy, reserved, and quiet, or confident, outgoing, and sociable. One or the other. But that does not rappresent me well.

 I'm not shy, and definetly not quiet. I tend to be really assertive and self-assured. I don't experience social anxiety, and I feel comfortable when speaking to crowds. But at the same time, I've never had many friends. I'm not outgoing, and a lot of people find me odd, so I rarely form spontaneous friendships. 

People, having heard this, usually suggest I might be an ambivert. But I disagree: I'm not the type that just needs some time to warm up around others. Socializing doesn't come natural to me, and neither does maintaining friendships. Not only I find it hard, but I also don't feel compelled to engage in it very often. I have a few select friends I'm close with, and despite loving spending time with them, I prefer to be alone most of my time. I'd say that socializing is good for me in small doses.

So I've always felt like the term "introvert" conveyed my experience well; that's why I dislike how it gets conflated with just being shy. What I dislike even more is that it's usually seen as an inherently negative trait. When I tell someone I'm introverted, they typically react the same way as if I had said something self-deprecating, and they try to offer me reassurance. They tell me I'm being too harsh on myself, or that I'm not "that introverted", so it's okay. But I do not see it as a negative trait, rather just a neutral quality. I'm happy with the fact I feel comfortable alone for long periods of time. I don't mind if others don't perceive me as the life of the party, I don't need to be. Why is that hard to believe for so many people? I have this theory that many self-descibed introverts are actually extroverted, but shy or socially awkward. Maybe they struggle with socializing, but would be happier with a lot of friends. And maybe they'd like to be surrounded by people, but feel anxious when they have to speak to a group. They would like more friendships, more connections, but shyness gets in the way, and they believe that's an universal experience for "introverts". So being introverted becomes something negative in their eyes, something that their life would be better without.

Being extroverted has been portrayed as the "correct" way to be all my life. Being introverted was a flaw to be corrected. I was told I needed to "open up", to get to know more people, to keep up with what the people around me were up to. I was taught that I should be embarrassed to sit alone, because it was "weird". But it has always been my natural way of being. I love my family, and I love my friends, but I also love sitting alone. And it took me a long time to realize that there was nothing wrong with that.