the realisation that you are starting to hate who you once loved

 She was a stoic, and I loved her for that. Life didn’t make it easy for her yet she could keep still and rigid as a statue. 

   That still has its flaws I guess, she didn’t care about anyone either. But she did sometimes, her hands gathered butterflies, and she fed dwindling bumble bees sugar water, and she held me in her arms. 

   I felt my heart bloom flowers, and my lungs breathed clean air for the first time in my life.

   I think I was in love. 

   And it hurt, so, so, badly.

   Screaming, crying, throwing up, because I think this girl loves me. And I’m sure I love her too. 

She confessed to me that she was scared, scared of showing and scared of telling me things, and i guess i get it, it was her first relationship. I would be scared too. 

  But i lied to her, i told her i loved her. But i was lying, i lied to myself. I am scared of her.

Because soon enough, i grew tired, tired of her shell. She didn't want me to know her, and i knew she was scared, she had told me many times, but i didn't want her to be.

My skin started crawling when she touched me, i thought she was going to pull my hair out when she played with it.

It is the horror of realising that you are starting to hate someone you thought you loved