me ranting abt my crush 😭🙏🙏

I think in many ways tyler is like a question, you don't always know the answer. he's unpredictable, but he makes you think. for better or for worse. he is interesting, and makes your curious you know? it's hard to put into words. I think I love the fact that he's different. in his own weird, unique, 'intresting' ways. he's not all he seems, he's like a puzzle I can never figure out. he's just himself, unapologetically, himself. I love that. he's got a weird confidence and stride in the way he walks. it's so ironic you can tell that about a person just by the small details. I know I have some biased, romanticized version of him in my head. he's not as attractive or funny as I think he is, but I don't care. everyone says I'm wasting my time with him, but I don't know. I'm sure I'm wasting my time with him, but I'd rather waste my time with him than with anyone else. or alone for that matter. is it better to waste your time with someone who you love, even if they might not love you back.. or with no one at all? it's a double edged sword. your going to get hurt either way, but I know what I'm doing and getting myself into, and I tread carefully and freely as I please anyway. even with the red flags and warning signs. me liking him, is purposeless essentially. and it's honestly to most people viewed as very stupid to still seek something with someone I know will not happen. or, bother thinking about them anyway. but in the end is really anything much for any purpose? we do everything, just to create memories. we set up these systems we teach ourselves are nessasary for survival, but we're never here in the first place. I'm satisfied with not being the one, or anything for that matter. I just don't wanna look away, even if I look back on it with resentment, or fondly. I don't want to regret it. and I don't think I ever will.