My weird phobia if i can call it this way

Today i was thinking about some stuff that people might find weird about me and i remembered how many fears i have.I want to tell about one of them rn,just out of boredom. I'm afraid to see someone commiting suicide.Ofc,this efear has it's backstory roots.When i was in 4 or 5 grade,my grandpa(RIP) drove me home and while we were waiting for my mom to come to the car,we saw police cars and ambulances.At first we both thought that somebody felt sick and ambulances came but what were police cars for?(I didn't knew back then that usually this duo comes when somebody's dead)Then my mom called me and said to wait a bit,'cause she's coming and that i better look at her or at the ground because some guy jumped off the roof.I remember passing by that guy,i remember accidentally stepping on a part of his brain,i remember the uncomfortable feeling of passing by a dead person.It was pretty unsettling and uncomfortable.After a couple of days after that case,some kids told me that there's still parts of his brain and his blood in holes for railings(they were removed after the body was took away).After that day i had a huge ass paranoia that lasted for a year or two.I was always watching the rooftops because i wasn't only afraid of seeing a dead body with brains,guts and bones out.I was aftaid that the person might land on me and kill me too.A year after that case i had a nightmare. I was walking somewhere,it was all like it was either or evening,or morning.Simply,blue hour. I was in a neighbourhood that looked just like the one in lilya 4ever. I guess i was walking to my friend,and then i watch the rooftops and see 2 people on two different buildings jumping off at the same time.I tried to look on the ground and don't look anywhere.That's what i did.Then i remember appearing at the typical soviet apartment.I was near the balcony and was looking out the window.On the rooftop of the building nearby was 4 people and they all jumped off at the same time,too. To say i was scared as fuck is to say nothing. I still have that fear but i am not looking at the rooftops that often. Now i am always looking down at the ground,lol