Relearning how to walk

March 21, 2025

It still hurts a lot to know that I lost something that I have known how to do automatically for practically my entire life. It really tore me apart for months. I first got injured at the beginning of September. All it was at first was a back injury at work from pushing myself constantly and picking up something wrong. But I ignored the pain out of fear of being fired. That job wasn't worth this, I wish I could have told myself that. Unfortunately, a disk in my back was pressed against my spinal cord and affected some of my nerves. The full extent of what is wrong with my body is still being found out. I stopped leaving the house, I couldn't stand other people staring at me in public. It started with immense back pain, and then a limp. Soon my right leg started going numb. I lost control over other parts of my body. It got to the point where I physically couldn't lift up my leg anymore. The slightest movement sent jolts of pain up my back. I've just barely in the last month started seeing progress. I still need a wheelchair most of the time, but I can manage moving around the house on my own now. I'm 19 and this really felt like my entire life had ended. To be honest, I've noticed other issues I don't want to bring up with my family and friends. Sometimes I have difficulty lifting my arms and they tremble more often now. I find speaking difficult, I can't get words out sometimes and struggle to speak. It just seems like no matter what, I will forever be changed by that day. Like my body no longer belongs to me. I'm more of a burden than ever, I think it would have been better to die than live like this. My siblings get embarrassed being with me in public, I don't blame them. They're teenagers, they shouldn't need to help their older sibling around like this. I should be the one helping them, yet I can't even help myself anymore. I hope I can eventually come back here one day and say everything got better. I fear I can't take this for much longer. I'm sorry if this is a mess, I'll properly explain the timeline of events if I ever feel up for it. Thank you for reading my pathetic ramblings.