The art of noticing. And bunch of other thoughts. (ENG ver.)

The Art Of Noticing.

In the past few years, I have noticed how much I have started to detach from reality through my own phone and the amount of dopamine I provide my body with every day. Whether it’s through silly memes, random games taking up my time, or short-form content on TikTok, willingly or not, my phone and the content it shows me consume almost half of my day, which before the pandemic was unimaginable to me, when I barely had 4 hours of screen time a day. As a result, I have lost many potential experiences I could have lived by simply going out and fully enjoying life, and on top of that, my language skills have deteriorated—not only my French and English but even my native Polish, which is incredibly terrifying. It has become harder for me to focus on any work, and even at this very moment, while writing this blog in my phone’s notes, I have the urge to exit the app and quickly open TikTok to mindlessly scroll away my evening. And what’s most interesting, I am still considered one of the “better” cases of phone addiction, so what about those who truly can’t break away? One could say that, in theory, my situation isn’t that bad because I am aware of what’s happening to me and my body, but still, it is fucking terrifying how we, as humans, can let ourselves reach such a state. And there are so many people in the world like this after the pandemic, which began at the end of 2019.

— the first time I had these thoughts was exactly a year ago, in March 2024.

It was a moment when I was in a deep emotional slump, after a huge fight with my friend group, during an extremely intense and consuming period of studying for my final high school exams, and while standing before the decision of which university courses to apply for. It was one of those moments in life when I had no idea what was happening around me, living in complete chaos, and despite my old mindset of “not giving a fuck” (which, by the way, was one of the worst I ever had), I absolutely did care—more than ever before. How can one potentially live every day without stress and “not give a fuck” when it feels like every step you take in every aspect of your life is so crucial that you could either make everything better or completely ruin it? That’s practically impossible. This way of thinking was exactly what I developed through ignoring everything around me and burying my worries in constant scrolling, which, of course, is something many young people at this age do—but no one ever said it was the right way to be. When I realized how badly I had trapped myself in a negative mental state, I had so many deep and courageous conversations with myself that I set a goal to use my phone in a more mindful way. Whenever I open an app, I must have a specific purpose to fulfill, and I can’t just sit there aimlessly—I need to complete what I intended to do and then return to my daily life. I no longer wanted to stay in the same place, spending another year on Instagram, TikTok, or Pinterest—I wanted to fully live my life. Whether it’s through traveling the world and meeting new people or going through tougher times—I simply didn’t want to let myself continue the way I had been living before.

Of course, it’s easy to say—that I will enjoy life, go on walks, meet new people. But that’s not how the world works. We weren’t created for things to be easy. We are meant to experiment in life, discover new things, but also struggle. Without hardships, we would never appreciate life as much. And honestly? I love that. Waking up in the morning to the breeze coming in, with the tiny addition of an inconvenient message from someone reminding me about some bureaucratic errands I need to take care of. Then, quickly and chaotically washing my hair while listening to music, because with the water dripping onto the shower floor, I can barely hear anything anyway. I step out of the shower, throw on the same pajamas at lightning speed so the neighbor across the street doesn’t stare for too long. I scoop some serum onto my hands and rub it into my hair, hoping it will help, though I don’t even know what’s good or not. But I try, right? I close the bathroom door, open the fridge, make breakfast while simultaneously reaching for the coffee and setting it in the machine so it brews in the meantime. After five minutes, I finish getting ready and lean against the kitchen counter, eating my sandwich, swaying along to “Chłopcy Z Placu Broni.” Kocham wolność (I love freedom). A small fragment of my Polishness in a completely contrasting Paris. Twenty minutes later, I’m done with my makeup, after seven attempts at doing my eyeliner, which I still don’t like in the end. At least it’s there. I throw on the same Lululemon sweatpants as always and a black top exposing my collarbones. Living here, I’ve learned not to care about my appearance—everyone here dresses however they want anyway. I leave the house, walking toward the metro, admiring the same street as every day. I’ve lived here since September, yet something about it still amazes me. And that’s how I spend my whole day. Me, my thoughts, and music. So many reflections, observing people, wondering whether they are from here or, like me, are seeking adventure in this touristy and ridiculously stereotypically “romantic” Paris. I don’t know why human relationships have fascinated me since I was a child. Maybe I’m just fucked up? Probably. And so what. I’m only 18—it’s not like I have to act like a fully grown adult, knowing exactly what I want to do with my life. Because I don’t. I’m studying at university, but I don’t know if I’ll actually pursue what I’m planning for myself right now. Because you never really know. Life is dynamic enough not to worry about such “trivialities.”

Appreciating everything around me calms me. Not planning out my day is addictive. Following my feet and my feelings is what makes me feel alive. Conversations with other people, whether with those I feel like I’ve known my whole life or those I could argue with for years because of completely different worldviews—are fascinating. Humans need interaction with others to live. In the end, we are just animals. Without it, we wouldn’t survive.

I have never felt such peace in this world as I do now, ever since I started listening to myself and noticing what is so simple for us.

Sometimes, life doesn’t have to be complicated. Have a problem? Can you change it? Deal with it as soon as possible so it doesn’t get worse later, and trust me—if you ignore it, it will only deepen. I speak from experience. After that, just live. You don’t need to have a plan for yourself. Just don’t lock yourself away in your own little box. Because that kills a person. We were made for exploration and passion, not for scrolling our lives away.

Amelia.

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