why are we afraid of creating and feeling excitement ?

well HIII first thanks for clicking on this blog :D ik seems slightly weird but i appreciate  u taking the time to read me yapping on this website

alsoo i need to remind u b4 reading this that english is not my first language (lol i sound like a fanfic writer now :P ) so if you noticed a sentence that doesn't make sense you know why :)!! 

ANYWAY i can't even think iof a proper way to start this but i have been watching a lot of video essays about how much the content we see eachday and the absloute dependence on social media for entertaitment has affected our creativity , how we are more to make memes or say something sarcastic about stuff we admire than analyzing it with our own lenses and point of views and interacting w it sincerely , toxic  media ,our attention spans decreasing, brain rotting  you name it

so it brought me to write this to declutter my mind even if it doesn't relate to what im talking about today

i remember 10 yr old me writing long ESSAYS about stuff i enjoy and diving deeply into anything from cartoons to even animation memes  and writing stories on amino and another kids website (named shablol i doubt anyone knows it) literally and people would like it , like back then the internet was a free space to be urself , but now when i remember how much i was confident to write about my goofy interest s with passion , even if they sounded a bit silly, i look at myself and wonder how a creative little girl like this grew old to be someone who apologizie to their friends if they ranted about their current watch or their favourite artist who dropped a new album ? (disclaimer my friends hate when i apoloigize for yapping they'd be like girl it comes w the service )

i've been scared a bit from stuff like writing a very long review on letterboxd cause "who would care?' or talking A LOT about my love for my fav bands and shows cause "i sound like a fan girl"

what did make me , or make us afraid of showing our Excitement and genuine interest in  what we admire ?

i love seeing people personalities shine when they're telling u about stuff they like ! i hate people saying it's ''cringe'' or smth like that

ugh i don't know how to continue this blog like i had tons of stuff to say but i feel like it all have collapsed to the ground and my head is like foggy now like i have a proplem with turning my thoughts and feelings into cohesive words its tiring idk if its neurodivergenty or smth but my brain works faster than my mouth to speak and my hands to write so HELP LMAO 

im really into reading/watching  essays these days so i tried making my own "aAND FAILED LOL AHAHAHAH" so what your opinions? comment anything literally i LOVE LOVE seeing you guys replying to my comments this website is so lovely i love ppl here 

"i also deleted insta and facebook my only way to reach them is through my laptop which means i can't scroll easily ! yays!" 

ok then B-BYEEEII i hope ur having a great timee <333!!1xoxox