Irrational everything ?

Does anyone else have bouts of irrational hatred for everything? Like, for example, not just people- but the atoms that make them up. Why are they structured like that? Why, why, why? What if I made it into a different shape? But I can’t, and I don’t want to, because I also don’t like shapes. I don’t like squares, circles, octagons, hexagons. Triangles are okay, actually. And why do cows eat grass, then poop it and make dirt fertile? Why am I standing in a place where someone else has probably died? What if I was in a wooden house instead of a brick one? Why do I have to have eyes? Why do humans look like this? Why do animals look like that? Do we have souls? I don’t want one, but I don’t want to not have one. I don’t want to exist but I hate the thought of never existing in the first place. I don’t like first place or second place or third place I don’t like places or numbers when they start or they end or they don’t. I don’t like small or big or medium or all or none or some or bright or dark or dim. I don’t like words I don’t like but I don’t don’t like but I do a little bit I don’t like a little bit.