holding on

i think, when it comes to relationships, it's really hard to take the advice of others. atleast -- for me, that is. it's like -- imagine the titanic. you're like, the group of musicians as the boat is sinking, and people are telling you to get on the lifeboats, right?

but you don't want to. you want to sing, you want to play, you want to make sure that your every moment in your life (that is fleeting) is spent doing something you love. and people understand, yeah, and people will tell you to get on the lifeboat and that the grass is greener on the other side, but there's a clear difference between sympathy and empathy. they don't know, they don't feel what you're experiencing in this moment, in this period of your life.

for me, i usually wonder what i could've done differently, or what i could've fixed or changed or said or didn't say, the whole 9 yards. and it's so tough to tell people that you get it, and that you'll take their advice because when you're left alone with your own thoughts, you spiral. because you value the time that you spend with this person so much on this intimate level, and you crave that desperately.

idk, im a hot mess. tbh i think im just a mess overall