episode 1928678312

every year i wait for my birthday to come but it means nothing.

it means nothing to me because every birthday no one gives a fuck. even though its my day, a day to celebrate another year of living, but not one person knows how hard i try to stay alive. 

it would be nice to have that day be special and people actually care im alive still. i dont know what im going on about right now im going off topic sorry.

I WANT TO FUCKING DIE. LMAOOO.

no one gets me. no one understands me. NO ONE WANTS TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME. NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW ME. NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME.

yeah just fucking tell me you like the way i look or the way i make you feel KEEP FUCKING SAYING THAT. IT MEANS NOTHING. IT MAKES ME HATE YOU. tell me you noticed the small beauty marks on my body. tell me the way i look at you makes you feel special. WHAT AM I HERE FOR. AM I HERE TO PROVIDE PLEASURE. IS THIS MY PURPOSE. 

SHOULD I BECOME A SEX WORKER. IS THIS MY LIFE. 

ungrateful men. all i do. nothing is worth it. no man is ever in charge of me. yes i am independent and like to be in control, but if i felt at ease with a man, and fucking fulfilled, maybe for one i can relax and sit back. NO MAN IS SMARTER THAN ME. I AM MY OWN MAN. i do everything no man could ever do for me. 

sometimes i think maybe i should die. i think i already said this. my gift to this world is beautiful and no one sees it. yes many people tell me im perfect and that i am worth the world. but how come the people i want, dont seem to think the same. 

WHY CANT SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO HEAR AND WHAT I DESERVE TO HEAR. i want to be spoiled with love. i wish to wake up to notes and paragraphs of how much i mean to you and maybe even just i dont even fucking know WHY CANT ANYONE LOVE ME PROPERLY. 

I know im not the problem. im losing the point of this entry. i give up.