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“i don't like these days, they make me feel too small”
i can’t believe i’m finally turning 18. it’s surreal, really. i’ve spent years and years dreaming up this moment, counting down the seconds, convinced that by the time i got here, everything would somehow just click – like some instant shift would happen, and suddenly, i’d have it all figured out. but now that it’s here? i feel… disappointed. almost underwhelmed. because it didn’t actually happen.
i don’t really know why, though. maybe i built it up too much in my head, like turning 18 was supposed to be this grand milestone where my life would be perfectly aligned, my future crystal clear, and i’d finally feel like i was on the right path… but that’s not how it feels at all. if anything, i feel more lost than ever. it’s like standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out at a million different roads stretching into the horizon, and having no idea which one to take.
i honestly thought adulthood (if you can call it that) would come with a sense of certainty, but instead, it’s just more questions. more pressure. more expectations. i’m supposed to have a plan, to know what i want, to be ready – but i don’t feel ready. at all. not even close. and that realization stings because i really thought i would. after all, i think i’m still a child.
the thing is: does anyone ever feel ready? i don’t know, maybe life isn’t about having a perfect roadmap… but about figuring things out as you go. and maybe, just maybe, being lost isn’t the worst thing in the world. it could mean there’s still a lot left to discover, feel, touch... at least, i hope so.
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xxRebellious_Emmaxx
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, my 18th was a big milestone for me as someone who grew up with a controlling helicopter grandmother. It meant that I no longer had to worry about things like "being allowed" or "not being allowed" to leave the house on my own to go wherever I damn well please at any time of the day I feel like it without the fear of having the cops called on me for my disobedience (it becomes much harder to be reported as a "missing person" at 18 or older versus at the age of 17 or under, plus even if reported by an adult, the cops don't have to bring you home if you're an adult and left on your own free will, but they do if you're still a minor regardless of the case).
She can throw all the petty little hissy fits she wants over it, and I just walk out of the door laughing knowing damn well she can't stop me, as there is nothing illegal about an adult woman simply choosing to leave the house on her own.
I have also come to understand that responsibilities are the key to unlocking and enjoying higher levels of freedom and have no problems with accepting and facing the responsibilities I am given as a young adult.
And then of course, now I finally truly have the chance to start dating (let's just say that my type tends to be people who happen to be quite a few years older than me physically, as in born prior to New Year's Day 2000, and now pursuing a relationship with such an age gap would be perfectly legal now that I'm finally of legal age).
Anyways, happy birthday, and hopefully you'll come to enjoy your adulthood as I've been over these past 7 1/2 months and counting. :)
Vampari
As someone who is turning 19 in a couple months, I also never found a plan, and still don't really have one. Just wanted to say that I think you're on the nose, everyone seems to just be winging it most of the time (including me), and there's an INFINITE amount of experiences that come with doing this.
And Happy (late) Birthday!
lia.X
Happy Birthday!!
tyy !!
by nanat; ; Report