just turned eighteen... now what?

“i don't like these days, they make me feel too small”

i can’t believe i’m finally turning 18. it’s surreal, really. i’ve spent years and years dreaming up this moment, counting down the seconds, convinced that by the time i got here, everything would somehow just click – like some instant shift would happen, and suddenly, i’d have it all figured out. but now that it’s here? i feel… disappointed. almost underwhelmed. because it didn’t actually happen.

i don’t really know why, though. maybe i built it up too much in my head, like turning 18 was supposed to be this grand milestone where my life would be perfectly aligned, my future crystal clear, and i’d finally feel like i was on the right path… but that’s not how it feels at all. if anything, i feel more lost than ever. it’s like standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out at a million different roads stretching into the horizon, and having no idea which one to take.

i honestly thought adulthood (if you can call it that) would come with a sense of certainty, but instead, it’s just more questions. more pressure. more expectations. i’m supposed to have a plan, to know what i want, to be ready – but i don’t feel ready. at all. not even close. and that realization stings because i really thought i would. after all, i think i’m still a child.

the thing is: does anyone ever feel ready? i don’t know, maybe life isn’t about having a perfect roadmap… but about figuring things out as you go. and maybe, just maybe, being lost isn’t the worst thing in the world. it could mean there’s still a lot left to discover, feel, touch... at least, i hope so.

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