another lucky dream! 🧧

this time I was on the japan trip again, extremely bored & fed up because for the past 3 or so days we'd hardly done anything. this was because the teachers were having to look after sick kids, or were sick themselves, or apparently just going haywire. I got so sick of being in the hotel room that I snuck out (& I KNEW the teachers would be furious with me) to see my mum, who was also in japan? just to literally do Something. but I didn't really enjoy myself then, either;

we'd just head out for the day & were in tokyo station (train transfers & whatnot)- we stopped so that she could go to the bathroom, an activity that often costs us time irl. we spent basically the entirety of the rest of the dream looking for a bathroom, taking so long that we'd somehow ended up back in a sydney shopping centre. we went from 'these station bathrooms suck!' (I don't even know what she was on about?) to 'let's try the attached shopping centre' (not how japanese stations work but okay- they don't have attached, separate shopping centres like we do, they just have retail floors) to 'yelling at a non-japanese department store employee, in english, over her Wrong recommendation of a bathroom that was also no good? & not understanding her question (not that she cared to properly ask it or explain herself)- which got so bad that I considered interfering to ask, in japanese, 'I'm so sorry queen, where might the bathroom be? thank you. thank you, I'm so sorry my mum's being awful. what's your name? angel. thank you so much angel.'' - as the search for a bathroom continued I got extremely bored & fed up again.

seeing as her new time-wasting activity was trying to leave the shopping centre to get back to the train station... while being unable to find an escalator or elevator. at all. so we were just wandering around. I ditched her to go back to my japan trip. still in this shopping centre I think (but back in japan? hope you're following the bizarre dream logic), I found the train group of my japanese teacher (whose group I was Not in), sitting before a big screen livestreaming a japanese tv show giving away gift packs or something? & upon seeing the first such pack (having only just arrived), I thought "oh wow! that would really help me get started with my uni life in japan!!" (the only prize I remember was one of those toaster ovens, but it was part of a group of other rewards, which also might've included money?) - which I proceeded to win !!! my japanese teacher seemed uncharacteristically uninterested at first (didn't seem to notice my disappearing though? that's probably a good thing) but said "I knew you'd do it, I could see it in your face (/pos)"*. for some reason this livestream was also tracking our blood-alcohol-contents, & although I've never had alcohol in my entire life, mine read 0.0000093. I wonder if that's going to be my hsc mark, seeing as I have nothing else to relate such a number to?

I feel like it's a message of hope for the future. not just that I'll be successful in moving back to japan & attending university (I was thinking of a certain university right before winning that gift pack, which reaffirms that it might just be the one for me! I've been really uncertain about my future for a while now, partially because none of the universities I've checked out have felt like a fit, but the one in question- which I only discovered very recently- actually feels really good for me.), but that despite my anxiety about living a confused, pointless life (what with not knowing my path after high school & all), I'll figure it out- I'll move out of my family's house & get to life the life that I want.

*my teacher said that as if she were omniscient & Knew that I'd had that thought. on the actual japan trip, we took photos together in namba (amongst other places too), her absolute favourite place in all of japan, in her favourite city- in which she used to live. there was an unspoken recognition that I was on the trip not to go on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday but to get a glimpse of how my life would soon look, that this was a special occasion worth documenting because it marked the beginning of the rest of my life. I think that was my dream's take on that recognition; her being able to see, possibly in a way I currently can't, that I'll go far in japan. 

tl;dr: I WILL do whatever I like, which includes being the WINNER. maybe I should buy a lottery ticket ( - the antithesis, in my family, of putting on a sad playlist whenever you encounter a mild inconvenience)