about music (my favorite thing in the world)

My mom always told me I have a gift for music.

I asked her why.

She said surely someone who's had experience in about ten instruments and has received multiple awards from competitions and has taken lessons for years and been in ensembles for more years and actively studies music in university would feel like they're gifted in music. What a stupid question.

That's funny. Because none of that actually made me feel like I had any gift.

Being born with talent or spending hours of your waking day practicing your technique can obviously get you at least somewhere. Like a podium to receive an award. Or, during COVID 19, to your mailbox to receive an award. 

I kinda have a few of those. My college admissions officers also know I have a few of those. So do my mom's friends who don't really give a fuck about her bragging about her daughter's achievements. And you know who also doesn't really give a fuck? Me. Because I think being gifted means another thing entirely.

It means being gifted with passion. And that's the kind of gift I really do think I have.

I'm gifted in music, even though I suck at music theory, because I have a passion for it. I'm gifted in music because I feel like it's the best way I can express myself as someone who's about 98% introverted. I'm gifted in music because I loved it since I was young. I'm gifted in music because it brings a warm feeling to my heart. I'm gifted in music because every time I listen to my favorite artist I feel glad I existed in the same time period as them. I'm gifted in music because I have a fan account. I'm gifted in music because I get goosebumps all over my body and exhilaration all over my nerves whenever I listen to music live. I'm gifted in music because even though I have zero vocal technique I still like to sing because it's fun. I'm gifted in music because my dream is to make music that moves people, even though right now I have trouble even moving out of my bed to go to my fuck ass 9am lecture. I'm gifted in music because it really, really, really makes me happy. I'm gifted in music because it's my favorite thing in the world.

If you like something, you have a gift for it. Use it. Because finding what you love is beautiful.