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Let's start with saying, I stand by the title and I'm gonna defend it, but to do that, we gotta understand one thing first:
What's a paraphilia?
A paraphilia can be: pedophilia, zoophilia, raptophilia, etc.
There's a difference between paraphilia and paraphilic disorder. Paraphilia is interest in the activity, and just interest, it doesn't involve the urge to do it. It's like enjoying a game without having any desire to play it.
A paraphilic disorder is an uncontrollable urge to act on it, it occupies the person's mind, often causing distress and/or some form of being unable to function properly.
In this blog I will focus on the paraphilic disorder, so keep in mind, when I will be talking about paraphilia - I mean paraphilic disorder.
Now that that's out of the way, here's why I don't believe every pedophile, zoophile, necrophiliac, etc., deserves to die: because there's a key word "every". Not all, never all.
Who deserves to die then? The ones that act on it (obviously), I'm not in support of touching kids/animals/anyone and anything that can't consent and/or is harmful to anyone involved.
Now, I have to say that I'm necrophiliac, so I can't say I'm 100% objective, but I did try my best to write it from a third party standpoint.
"They need help!" - But you're making it harder to.
By saying "ALL people from [x bad group] deserve to die" you're making the problem worse. It discourages people from seeking help, makes it much harder for the person to open up about their problem, to get a therapist that they would feel is safe to admit what they struggle with.
That can lead to a person feeling isolated and hopeless, with that the disorder developing further has much higher chance. When there's no way of getting help, the possibilty of the person acting on it increases.
It's better for everyone to prevent than to punish! The paraphiliac gets the help they need and the victim isn't a victim - because they got help and nothing happened! Again, prevention will always outshine punishment. Let's not demonize people for simply existing and having such disorders.
I'm not telling you to go befriend the first paraphiliac you see, I'm saying, don't speak on things you don't know about. Not every pedo is balls deep in a kid, just like not every pedo is getting help. Those who hurt should die, that goes without question, but to say all of them? No. A person shouldn't be deemed bad just because of their mental illness, it should be based on actions. There's a huge difference between thinking about it then actually doing it. If thinking about it is enough to be seen as irremediable then people with intrusive thoughts would be beyond saving point too, because, news flash, people with paraphilias neither want to have those thoughts! Thinking about it ≠ acting on it, they can't control what pops up in their heads, but they can control their actions.
The "Mental Health Matters" Hypocrisy
Now, if you're a person that is the first one to say "mental health matters" under a post of someone brushing their teeth/taking care of themselves after [x amount of time] but saying people with paraphilias should die just because they have them - you don't believe in your own words.
Tell me, why does mental health matter only when it's depression, anxiety, literally any mental illness not involving one's sexuality?
The demonization of sexual disorders is unreal! Take hypersexuality for example, it's disgusting how a lot of you treat people with it. Any forum about hypersexuality has at least one post about a person getting disrespected and stripped from their dignity, in many cases - treated like an object.
Did you know hypersexuality can make it nearly impossible to say no to sexual interactions? And some people, knowing this about their partner, use it against them? Strangers on internet saying "well, you did agree.", gross behavior. A person getting harassed just for speaking out about their struggles. Y'all can't handle that, let alone paraphilias.
So yeah, y'all be treating any mental disorder about sexuality like it's some form of devilish ritual. It's really not just about paraphilias, it's just about mental illness involving sexually, the moment it enters a conversation it's like empathy goes out of the window, why is that? Or Bipolar Personality Disorder, Narcissist Personality Disorder, anything that affects people's behavior in negative way, no, in a way YOU don't like.
The whole point of me writing this is to say people with paraphilias shouldn't be in fear of getting deemed a criminal the moment they speak out and seek help, they shouldn't feel the need to hide their issues from specialists because it only makes the issue worse, we won't progress with supporting mental health if we're gonna pick and choose what mental illness is deserving of compassion. Making getting help harder is just a tragedy waiting to happen.
Another point is:
Struggles of being someone with paraphilia!
Shame. Guilt. Self hatred. Disgust. Feeling judged and already crossed out before you had a proper chance.
In more detail? Imagine that you're the one with a paraphilic disorder. It's not something you can control, not something you wanted or choose, you know that it's wrong, you shouldn't have those thoughts, those urges, but damn, it feels good thinkin' about it, doesn't it?
No! No, it doesn't feel good.
Everytime it pops up in your head you feel like puking. Like you're drowning in filth, like suffocating under the weight of shame. You want it to end, but you know there's nothing you can do, not on your own.
You want help. You need help. But who to turn to? Who to tell?
You start looking into therapy, but it's scary, admitting you like something you shouldn't, being attracted to something that's so clearly wrong.
Your stomach can't help but turn just at the thought of speaking out about it, you can already imagine the judgy eyes of your therapist's, anyone's you would open up to.
They would just see you as criminal, like you're worthless piece of trash, not even a human being anymore, not someone that needs help, something that's unworthy of existing on the surface of the earth.
And so you are, alone, living in fear of anyone finding out your thoughts, not yet done anything wrong but already being denied a chance at normal life. You're in a limbo of never ending nightmare, stuck in your own head, stuck with your thoughts.
Final thoughts:
Don't judge people based on their disorders, judge based on actions. Don't demonize, don't cross people out. Help with granting the wishes of getting help actually seeming achievable. If you're serious about mental health mattering, don't pick and choose what mental illness you're gonna deem as worthy to get help and what just make people undeserving to live. Simply don't think you know it all, don't think you know all the facts. Make people with paraphilias comfortable with seeking help before it's too late.
And for the last time because I really don't want people to have the wrong impression of me, I'm in support of people with paraphilias, but only to the point where they act on it. The moment their thoughts formed into action they deserve to be seen as worthless and less than human. You can't control your thoughts, but you can control your actions.
I just think that preventing paraphiliacs from doing any kind of harm by making dreams of therapy seem more attainable is better than having a society and system that makes it almost impossible for a person in need of help actually getting it.
Comments
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napoleonsFire/ScarfedTexas
wow... i mean, justifiable but like... pedophiles LIKE LIKE kids. i don't think that's a good thing but you do you ig
aulia
ive been dated a pedophile before
c0smic~k0lfang
i debated on whether or not to comment, but after reading many of the comments and your response to them, i figured i had something new to add. i'm choosing to set aside my personal opinions on the actual argument here, and instead just want to critique the presentation and development of this line of thought.
my main issue with this blog is primarily that you've taken a really strong stance around this line in the sand (no killing until these desires are acted upon) but you haven't outlined what that actually means. what constitutes actual harm here? where exactly does someone with paraphilic disorder cross the line in to being irredeemable? what counts as acting? if a pedophile watches shows with children in them have they acted on these impulses? is it when they engage in solo sexual activities thinking of kids? do they actually need to harm a child in front of them before it isn't okay? these kind of escalating behaviors can be applied to any form of paraphilic disorder but you get the point.
i also draw issue with the way you've hooked your argument on mental health hypocrisy. knowing this is a heavy/controversial topic, you should structure things with that in mind instead of purposefully trying to circumvent it. shaming people for being hypocrites in a post where (i assume) the goal is to change minds or offer different perspectives is alienating at best, reactionary at worst. i'd be genuinely curious to see you try to provide reasoning as to why you're correct DESPITE the issues people have with it as opposed to why they are wrong.
my last issue is shaky at best, as i'm unsure if i'm correct or not, but i believe in one response you explained your opinions come from your own experiences with paraphilic disorder (necrophilia in particular?). i just think it was intentionally disingenuous to present this topic as a moral grandstand from a third party perspective when you have real investment and stakes in this. it doesn't allow people who read to generate informed thoughts about what you in particular have to say, good or bad. if you feel the need to omit that kind of information in order to provide credibility, then i think that's a sign you should revisit your presentation and thoughts to evaluate where the soft points are.
all that said, i would be curious to see what you would elaborate on/change if you decided to take any of what i said and run with it.
i especially agree with the last part, because a lot of people with paraphilia dont often talk about their experiences online (or do so in too much detail, or even just end up chasing after their desires. the internet has a lot of illegal and damaging media.) but this user decided to. i feel like the fact that theyre kind of defending the "community" of paraphilia or the community theyre a part of, when in reality paraphilia can be just as damaging to not only the person who suffers from it but from others around them. we also have to factor in that the user may be desensitized so defending this behavior is somewhat normal anyway.
if you shame others for not accepting that aspect of you/others, its unlikely that people will be willing to accept those who have paraphilia anyway.
+ some people genuinely cannot be helped, people who have "controlled their thoughts" still post a serious danger to others whether you like it or not. you arent in their head and cant tell them NOT to do something, and you especially dont know what they do outside of how they project themselves. you have no idea how some people with paraphilia may "deal with it", and honestly it is better safe then sorry.
(obviously, if youre a minor and this paraphilia comes from trauma or another mental disorder, etc etc etc... digging to the root cause and finding a therapist or psych can and will help)
by cupid ♡; ; Report
To cupid ♡:
I'm sorry that you feel like I'm defending paraphiliacs, while being a part of them, I do not wish to defend it. It IS disturbing and can make a person feel uneasy, that's justified, I'm just not in support that we should be labeled as bad people just for simply having the disorder.
Paraphilia is just dangerous to the person and around them, yeah, that's why I want people to not fear getting help. I have a therapist myself, there were countless times I've wanted to reach out and say something, but unfortunately the words got stuck in my throat because of the fear what would happen next, how would they react, etc. I do plan in future getting someone that specializes in that disorder or at least knows what they're talking about and just straight up say it, I think it'd be easier since I wouldn't know the person by then. Well, that's beside the point.
I'm not trying to shame people for not accepting me or others, just that they shouldn't act like I've already done something, I don't want people to cross me out the moment they found out about it (that's why it's my first time even admitting that [not counting my other entry that got taken down like a week after posting])
As to "You aren't in their head", yeah, I'm not, but I'm trusting that after they get professional help they will learn how to manage those thoughts in healthy manner. As I said, let's not cross people out if they haven't done anything. I understand that you might think better safe than sorry, but if they haven't done anything, should they really be treated just as the people who haven't even tried to get help?
by Future Corpse; ; Report
To c0smic~k0lfang:
Hello! So thank you for the comment, it's really helpful for future blogs that I (might) write. I didn't really had anyone else to read it and tell me what's up, so yeah-
Would I rewrite it now? No, I already spent a bit on it and I really don't feel like changing stuff, but I will use the critique in future!
I can clarify some things here though:
What is acting on it? Consuming child exploitive material, abusing a child, etc.
As to the gray points, I do not have a perfect answer or something thought engaging, just that if it's something that can make such disorder worse, increase a chance of the person actually harming someone. As I said, it's no perfect answer and I'm sorry for that.
I see what you mean about mental health hypocrisy. I didn’t explain it well before and let my frustration show too much. My point isn’t that people don’t support mental health, but that their attitude changes when a disorder affects thoughts or behaviors in ways society finds disturbing.
For example, people are generally understanding of intrusive thoughts about violence, they recognize that thoughts alone don’t make someone dangerous. But if those thoughts are sexual, especially related to something like pedophilia or zoophilia, the person is immediately seen as a criminal, even if they’ve never acted on it and don’t want to. I'm not saying that all people who learn a person has paraphilia think they're bad, but it's defo a good chunk.
I’m not saying we should excuse these disorders, just that we should be consistent. If we accept that intrusive thoughts don’t define a person, why paraphilia is different? The focus should be on preventing harm, and that means making it safe for people to seek help instead of scaring them into silence.
(I'm sorry if that's just repeating what I said in blog)
As to me not admitting I have such disorder, I didn't think it was misleading, but now that you've pointed it out I think I might edit just to say it, I really didn't want the blog to be personal, so it took many rewrites (so sorry if there are parts just sticking out of context, I've tried to eliminate those), but it still turned out to be more of a vent than a blog, especially at the last part.
I do stand by all of my points and decision to not rewrite anything, as I said I might just add "I'm necrophiliac btw" at the top or something like that.
Thank you for your criticism, I'm sorry if I didn't explain much or just nothing at all.
by Future Corpse; ; Report
no need to be sorry. this was a better and more thorough response than i had hoped for really, and it cleared up some of my own personal questions. to the point of disclosing personal information, i understand and support omitting details for the sake of privacy. i should have elaborated on adding details about your struggle being more of a tool to your argument as opposed to a necessity.
it genuinely makes me glad to receive such a positive response to my unwarranted critiques. i love hearing what other people have to say no matter how foreign or contrarian their opinion/idea is to mine and i think you're a good writer. thank you for satisfying my curiosities :)
by c0smic~k0lfang; ; Report
mimi
oh my god
otorideku
Idk if this is a safe space, but, I suffer from paraphilia, I have an absurd disgust for everything I think, it's something that has been with me since I went through COCSA.
I'm really sorry to hear that, I hope you are seeking help🙏
by Jamz 💋; ; Report
Arlo
I think you might be confusing this disorder with pedophilic OCD. Where someone has the intrusive thoughts of being a pedo.
If someone is having those thoughts and doesn’t want them, finds them disgusting or distressing, then those are intrusive thoughts.
Paraphiliacs are people who will actively try and defend/carry out these fantasies, mostly in secret.
Did you read the blog, like, at all? + People with paraphiliac disorder know it's wrong, not everyone with it will defend it nor act on it (those who defend it and act on it should be punished), it's all explained in the blog??? Pls, read it again (if you even read it in the first place)
by Future Corpse; ; Report
I did actually read it, as well as multiple articles / thinking of my own experiences with intrusive thoughts to form my own opinion.
the specific part I’m commenting on is when you described it feels like drowning in filth when those thoughts pop in your head. That is almost an exact definition of an intrusive thought.
Not just with pedophilic intrusive thoughts either, but ones about harming pets, harming loved ones, committing several crimes, etc etc.
I think that you are a very kind person for wanting to speak out on something like this, and give everyone a chance to be a better person, but when it comes to something this serious, it’s incredibly important to know your facts and do the research.
by Arlo; ; Report
Yeah, but I’m not talking about pedophilic OCD—I’m talking about paraphilic disorder. The difference is that people with pedophilic OCD don’t have an actual attraction to children; they just fear that they might be. In contrast, paraphiliacs (if their paraphilia is pedophilia) know they are attracted to children. The attraction is real, not just a fear or intrusive thought.
Just because two things overlap doesn’t mean they’re the same. In both cases, the thoughts are unwanted and can cause distress, but they come from completely different places—one is fear of attraction, the other is actual attraction. I really don’t think I was talking about pedophilic OCD, especially since the 'drowning in filth' part comes from my own experience as a necrophiliac.
I really don't want to seem rude here, but I did put a lot of thought into this blog, I understand that a few things might align and both can have similar "symptoms", but I really did mean paraphilias, I had them and my experiences in mind pretty much the entire time I've been writing this blog.
by Future Corpse; ; Report
I don’t think you are trying to sound rude, and I value your response. I think in heavy topics like this debates are very important to have.
First I want to clarify that I know two things can overlap, and I know you didn’t MEAN to talk about pedophilic OCD, but a lot of what you say fits into that description.
The reason that people with paraphilia may find these thoughts debilitating or uncomfortable isn’t because they feel its wrong, it’s because they know others will see it as wrong (and rightfully so)
If someone is convinced they are a pedophile, and genuinely think they themselves are a bad person for this and want to get help, then THAT is pedophilic OCD.
I notice you said that you yourself have struggled with necrophilic thoughts, and maybe instead of immediately trusting those thoughts as who you truly are, you should look more into how the body reacts to sexual intrusive thoughts. It’s very common for people with ocd to think that their body is physically attracted to something wrong due to physical cues their body is giving them. Especially because we’ve been taught that any sort of feeling in those areas is inherently sexual, when scientists argue otherwise.
by Arlo; ; Report
Rusty
yep. having a paraphilia is no ones choice and im not hoping those people DIE, why would i.. i just really hope those people can get better
but if they act to it? yeah now i hope they die, idc can they "control it" or not, theres never a valid reason for rape and every rapist should die imo (no matter do they have any paraphilias or shit)
♠︎~Diablesa~♠︎
Entiendo y apoyo tu opinión principalmente por ser estudiante de psicología comprendiendo a lo que te refieres. El tema de las parafilias es complejo pero debería ser dialogado para una mejor comprensión.
Princess Candy˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ︎
I think you can also get them as a trauma response. :( I feel really bad for those who have the feelings but don't wanna hurt anyone.
exactly. kids who are sexually abused and become sexual abusers. I hope everyone who suffers from this disorder gets help.
by Jamz 💋; ; Report
Sodita★★★
Having a paraphilia doesn't make you a criminal, but most sexual offenders have paraphilias. Pedophilia is a disgusting evil, and it's not the same as trying to hide it and be normal. It's not the same as being a fucking child rapist, no matter what you say, everyone commits a crime as atrocious as selling and buying CP or outright contributing to that by raping children should rot in jail, maybe not die, but be locked up for the rest of their miserable lives for stealing a child's innocence, even if it's something they can't control.
I'm sorry if that's not the case, but your comment reads as attacking my stance. If I'm understanding the comment wrong, feel free to ignore it.
I think there was some missunderstanding along the way, it seems like we DO agree, but I might've worded it wrongly. I agree that those who ACT on paraphilias should be punished accordingly, which we do think alike, but your comment reads (at least to me) that you think they should get away with it, which isn't true. Just because a person have such disorder dosen't mean we shouldn't hold them accountablefor for their actions.
But it also feels like you find just attracion, without acting on it, disgusting and evil, and I understand that it can be disturbing, but the whole point of my blog is to not judge those who didn't act and make it more socially acceptable for paraphiliacs to speak out about it and get the help they need.
So yeah, to sum iy up, those who act on it deserve to get punished, but those who haven't acted on it shouldn't be demonized.
Again, very sorry if I did misunderstand the comment!
by Future Corpse; ; Report
trinity
i disagree, they should be killed 100% even if its something they cant control they still have the urge to harm another person let alone a CHILD. unlike some crimes (for example murder or theft) there is no valid motive for sexual crimes. it’s common sense to know right from wrong and to be a moralistic person. if the urge to harm children is really that strong for these people i suggest they kill themselves. and if they have any morals they should listen to my advice.
As my post said, thinking like that makes the problem worse. If people fear getting help because of people like you, the risk of these urges increasing is higher - therefore they might give in, and when they do (and only when they do) they should be killed of.
)
I don't believe in saying that innocent people with thoughts and disorders beyond their control should be killed off. My post emphasized multiple times that preventing tragedy is better than punish after it already happened. If you really want changes stop saying they all should die and start advocating for therapy to be more accessible to those people before they become something beyond saving.
Also, from what I've found convicted offenders with paraphilic disorders have higher suicide rates than other convicts. Unfortunately, I couldn't find reliable data on suicide rates before someone acts on their urges. I'd love to say that most take your "advice" before committing harm, but I can’t. I don’t know, so I could be wrong.
(Pls ignore my previous, now delated reply, I forgot to delete one paragraph from the draft, so embarrassing
by Future Corpse; ; Report
ill be real dude i sport some very radical views and i can KINDA see the angle that you’re coming from but i still very strongly believe that these people should be killed. like if you were pregnant (i dunno if you have that function just guessing sorry bruh) and you got a scan that said theres a high chance this baby will have these noncey thoughts. would you get rid of it? i totally would. i feel like im spouting a bunch of nonsense now so im sorry for that. my point is i feel like the extermination of these people will help stop a pretty gnarly issue.
by trinity; ; Report
Hi friend, I don’t agree with this in any capacity. There’s lots of nuances why, but thoughtcrime is inherently bad and this way of thinking actively discourages those with paraphilias from getting help that they need because they’re scared. You’re also getting kinda weird w the eugenics angle here, and on the topic of babies: most CSA victims are abused by close family and friends. If the threat of death is hanging over the abuser’s head, regardless of what you think those kids won’t say a thing about it. They barely even say anything when the threat is just jail time.
Point is, this kind of rhetoric is exactly what keeps abusers sneaky— allowing people to come out about their paraphilias so that they can get therapy to help with it is essential to stopping abuse in the first place. I would absolutely LOVE to beat the shit out of my abusers— but criminalizing peoples’ thoughts and feelings is wrong no matter how you try to spin it. Child abusers are evil. People with paraphilias are not inherently evil, and to say that just because a lot of (NOT ALL, in fact) people who abuse children have those is very VERY wrong.
by Wall_Spider; ; Report
Riber223
Actually this is very interesting, I have this thought a couple of time across my life, mostly because sometimes I like to analyze something so deeply until doesn't have sense, and this is one of the things I have analyze it, mostly with the hypocrisy people have in the anime community where you can I have a highschooler with big tits and big ass and is pedophilia because she is underage, but than you got this adult woman that looks exactly the same but because she is over 18 is fine, Is a really interesting topic to analyze.
After all most of this is just morally wrong but after all moral is a social construct
I absolutely don't see the connection between my post and this comment, can you explain how you reached the conclusion it's even remotely similar?
I'm talking about a real life diorder and how it affects people, how demonized those with it are to the point of fearing speaking out about it, how hypocrisal mental health activists are when it comes to mental illnesses. I can't see how your comment relates to it.
Also, what you're saying, I'm not 100% sure, but you're describing a "loli bait", as in the character is x years old but still looks like a child, this, and highschooler with exaggerated anatomy, are both highly frowned upon and both are criticized for catering to pedophilac audience, or just creeps in general.
That being said, I don't see your point at all, so I have to ask for explanation.
by Future Corpse; ; Report
⌆Canine⌆
BASED ‼️ but on a serious note i do hope people with paraphilic disorders get the therapy they need
R0MA!
are you struggling with it bro? if it is the case i sincerely wish you strength and healing
R0MA!
haven't read anything in the post yet, but i completely understand, this feels like the way gays used to be treated (except that pedophilia is a lil more unhinged ya see
) even if they ask for help they ain't getting it, nor daring to ask for it bc they'd just get bashed and their life would be practically ruined,
altho pedos who have indeed taken action along their impulses should face consequences, the ones that could be helped should receive it, when we say k i l l all pedos im sure it is meant that we should end the ones that have taken action, i believe, cuz that's just unforgivable
i do understand this reasoning of yours mate