Life sucks

I hate life this is written with all of my heart i hate life i can't even get the course that i want nor get a job i want my free will back please thankyou i hate this i didn't even asked to be born just to suffer i don't even want a job all i want is to get away from my manipulative abusive mom i do apprecieate that she cares for me but the second she's happy she'll(she has bpd and i also have bpd because of her) go breserk js because i do something she warned me not to. e.g : I'm doing my mske up dressing how i want
then she'll go into my room get mad at me because im doing my make up yet she bought it for me 
and if shes not getting mad at me she'll go invade my privacy once i fell asleep my phone is on im watching totally spies she went through my phone and invaded all my privacy i always wished on my birthday that i want boundaries respect and my freewill but it never came true since i was 13 i asked for the same wish it never happened i don't really celeb my birthday yeh