i am too scared to make friends but i am extremely lonely

i need friends really really REALLY baddd but im so bad at making them and keeping them, like, ill see someone cool then send them a friend request but when they DM me i get super super nervous T_T it even happens with my closest friends ive known for like years!!!! its so scary talking to people and i do better in groupchats i think,,,

idk its horrifying just to talk to people alone （；´д｀）ゞ

whenever i talk to someone i get so scared that i'll end up rambling and talking too much so i just always end up not talking at all then i think that they'll think i dont wanna talk to them but i do i do wanna talk to them i just cant show it??!?!?!? IDK!!! i dont notice when people wanna end a conversation like i always talk on and on and on and on but then after i feel really bad for rambling but then they say "its ok" but its not??!?!? not to me atleast!?!?!!! (ㄒoㄒ)

its just like an endless spiral, i wanna talk but not to the point i ramble and i wanna listen but not to the point im dry!?? HELP "