I am a filmmaker... I guess ?

HI, DIVAS !

I'm Rama and I like film. 

I don't only enjoy watching movies and TV shows, I like writing about them, talking about them, reading about them, writing screenplays, and making movies. "I aspire to be a filmmaker", I always say to myself and the people around me. Little did you know, I recently wrote and directed a short film, have almost 10 screenplays stored in my old, and tired, laptop, and can't seem to just not write. Call me Hamilton because I'm non-stop ! 

Now, the issue is, can I finally call myself a filmmaker ? The goal was to make movies. I am making movies. Does that make me a Woman of the camera ? A faiseur de rois, as the french say ? Dare I say, the next Sofia Coppola (I'm getting ahead of myself, what is going on !)...? 

I don't remember who said : "Pick up a camera. Shoot something. No matter how small, no matter how cheesy, no matter wether your friends and your sister star in it. Put your name on it as director. Now you're a filmmaker..." I also don't remember the rest of the quote. But it is something every person that aspires to be a director has read. It's, like, so cliché in the filmmaking community. AH ! JAMES CAMERON SAID IT, I REMEMBER NOW !

I also remember reading this sentence for the first time and telling myself over and over again "All you have to do is start, then". For months. Months, I stayed away from my camera, kept all my ideas in a drawer, and drowned in a feeling of deep unsatisfaction. I've always had an issue with starting. It's all about commitment. Like in Skateboard ; you gotta commit, take the risk of falling and scratching/hurting yourself, and you gotta do it over and over again until you get it right. The ironic thing is that I picked up skateboarding, then gave up on it after a month or so because I was too afraid to commit. 

Sometimes, the hardest thing is showing up. So, one day, after those months of self-loathing and bed-rotting, I told myself "Look, you don't have to do it right. You don't have to be perfect at it. You don't even have to be good. You just have to do it". And that's when I chose to do it.

That's when I made my first short film. I'm currently editing it and it's not going as well as I thought it'd go. But what matters is that I did it. I committed. I went past the anxiety, past the fear, and I showed up. And, oh my God, I had the best time of my life. The film set is where I belong. Shouting "Lights, Camera, Action", is what makes my heart beat. Teamwork, seeing my characters come to life, the friendships we make along the way, the whole process from A to Z, is what I was meant to do. 

Because, I am a filmmaker !  #cheesy #IgottawakeupearlyandIcantsleeprn