my stomach hurts now...

tw: mentions of r@p3 and gr00m!ng

the first semester of 6th grade. last year. my theatre teacher was my favorite, he seemed funny and he was the youngest teacher at the school, 23 years old. he was very popular with the kids but something seemed off about him.

he would always be near me, not in a teacher type of way. just standing near me for no reason, looking over my shoulder during free time. he slowly made me uncomfortable and his class became one i didn't love as much.

then i found out about the comments. he would just casually call kids cute or handsome.. yea gross. i became scared of him and would skip his class if i could.

he never physically hurt or touched me. and i feel guilt because other people had it worse. I remember telling one of my ex friends about him and she said, "at least he wasn't really an adult". does 23 not count as an adult? especially when i was 11?

now i can't think about him without getting a stomach ache or without vomiting... i have had several nightmares about being stuck in a room or a closet, not being able to move, and watching him walk towards me until he 🍇's me..

i want to forget about him but it feels so difficult, especially with the guilt. the feeling that i don't really count, which honestly, i dont..