People don´t get it.

Hey, Its me again lolz.

I do not expect you to read this but i just needed to let somethimg out.

This is kinda a sad blog entry since ive been feeling really off lately and the reason behind that is probably my school,familiy,classmates and just all my teachers.

I feel like sometimes im just...useless?I dont know how to describe it but i definitly feel empty inside.Its like the same feeling that took so long to finally get rid off just came back to punch me 10x times as hard.One day it was just so hard i went to cut myself in the school bathroom.its stupid ik but it was my only therapy ig.

I also noticed alot of things changed about me.I yell alot,distant myself from others and just cry when someone literally asks me anything about my well being.I have a feeling i have some kind of mental illnes but i dont wanna seem like an attention seeker.I cry more often and i have gotten more tired and rott more often in bed.I hate being mean to other because it makes me feel like im the villain in their story.I hate the feeling when they start to quiet down or stop talking just because i cant control my emotions.But i mostly got it from all the people yelling at me in my life.Trauma?.

Trust Issues have gotten worse and worse over the few weeks or days.I cant even trust the person that tells me im pretty or have anything nice because i immediatly think that they are either being sarcastic and making fun of me because of my past.

The reason behind my story of wearing baggy or loose clothing is because of my classmates and my familiy.My Classmates made jokes about me being taller than others i our class and about being a gorilla.I mostly cried in the bathrooms because if i cried in the classroom everything would just the worst.They still to this day call me "emo", and just crazy insults that not even i could think of.I even started covering my face when i laugh.

Many of my friends make me feel like Im being annoying and just wont shut my mouth.Like for example when Im just annoying my friend as a joke and he starts to sigh or just cuss me off,not the joking kind.The "Jesus will shut the fuck up?", "OMG just fucking get away from me" ect...

When i vent to my friends i feel like they arent even listening.Like id be saying like "I wouldnt even be here rn to be honest" and they would just nod and go on with their story.Ik i may sound kinda selfish but its just how i feel i cant control it.

The Teachers annoy me the most.I would just be sitting and listening to the teacher and they would just randomly blame random shit on me. "Stop breathing in my class!" ahh.But they can always also really hurt.For example i did something an dour head teacher,the one we should trust,just starts straight up cussing at me and just every word that describes dumb or useless.Or atleast my brain says so.

Sorry if theres misspelled words,im writing really fast and english is not my home language.

Thats it for today, 

Sara xx