The figures have eyes

I have a pretty large figure collection, Mostly Splatoon. I sometimes think that they pull a fucking toy story on me when I'm not around. I am fully aware they're plastic. Though it would be funny if Alucard talked shit about me to the Squid sisters. I like to think all my figures are friends. I'd love to know what they think of me. Do my Alucard figures think I have a fat ass? I'm asking the real important questions here. 

I'm stuck fantasizing. I need some way to pull that sexy ass vampire out of the screen. Do I know he has no regard for human life? Yes. Is he a walking red flag metaphoricaly and literally, dressed as Carman SanDiego? Yes. Do I care? No. I've been touch starved for literal years. I don't care, he's fine and I need him in my bed and to look at my Splatoon amiibo