i'm normal

i'm normal, through and through. can't find a single proper abnormality about me. had a normal childhood in a normal neighbourhood with normal parents in a normal school with no real disturbances. had stuff happen in my family, as does everyone, but that's normal. even then, the normal amount of stuff that happened in my family was barely even reflected on me thanks to my parents. i never had someone "evil" in my life who harmed me significantly and on purpose. i feel like the only thing making me suffer the normal amount that everybody suffers is that normality, and i should be equipped to deal with that normal amount of suffering as every normal person is, but there is some sort of malfunction in my normality that doesn't allow for that. whether that is my inherited disposition for depression, through my father who has had MDD since before my existence, or my lack of experience in dealing with suffering, i do not know. my mother insists that the things i define as normal are not as normal as i make them seem, but that sounds absurd coming from my mother who has been through hell and back before stabilizing her life to this degree. having divorced parents is not necessarily rare or crazy, neither is having a depressed father, neither is moving a few times, neither is your mother having an immature boyfriend, as none of those are direct attacks toward me. my parents might be divorced but they never fought in front of me, my dad might be depressed but he was never abusive or even really neglectful, i may have moved a few times but ive always been in the same general area and never even changed schools, my mom's boyfriend might be more immature than i was at 8 years of age but he isn't a bad or controlling or abusive person and he even considers me his family, all of those are relatively normal. 

then why can't i function properly? or is this what proper functioning is supposed to be like?

the answer to the latter is much scarier than the former, as either answer could completely ruin or save me

which is why i decided not to think too much on it. it isnt whether or not something is "abnormal", but whether or not it is bothering/hurting me which is the decisive factor on whether or not i should work on changing it. whats the point of being normal if that normality does not benefit you, and what can being defined with the label of abnormality do for you if you do not work on bettering the factors contributing to your suffering whether they are abnormal or not?

in conclusion, i'm thinking too much and should probably get ready for school now. thank you for accompanying me in my attempt at organizing some thoughts!