school thoughts

I don't feel well. I'm very nervous about the first day of school. I don't know what to do on one hand I know I've been depressed and rotting in my room for months without going outside. but at the same time I want to go to classes because it will be something "good" for me but I'm terrified that everything is different outside. I feel very strange. It makes me nervous when people pass by me or look at me. I love studying but I feel like I'll go through the same horrors of my old schools again I don't want to be made fun of, I don't want to fail in my studies, I don't want to feel bad, I don't want to be alone at recess anymore I want to have friends I hate going to school and walking home from school alone I don't have a single good experience from school  but I will do my best to not disappoint my parents.