i feel fear

here is the newest tragedy and how no one will help

it's crazy to think about how at some point, our ancestors wanted to write about reconnecting with our emotions. our paintings were beautiful abstract things that showed straight into our soul and how we viewed the world. we painted and wrote how much we wanted to be better and how we viewed the world. it's almost like we are afraid to feel now, i tell my friend it's okay to cry cause he's gone through a lot "im a man, im not gonna cry thats gay" i tell my friend it's okay for her to cry, people around her treat her like trash "no cause that's so embarrassing crying cause someone was mean." maybe i idolize gothic romance too much, my history teacher described goth romance as emotions to the point of dysfunction. i find it embarrassing when i cry in my classes too, so i guess im a hypocrite.

top 10 things that make you unattractive

why have we grown so unattractive to ourselves, our standards changing so drastically almost opposite with the healthy trends, when we hate the only thing we truly cannot lose? when most people look out and only see beauty but then look in and hate what they find. i consider myself ugly, but any other person with my features is the most beautiful person. we a trained to it. if we hate ourselves we can't really work together. oh why can't i look like my friends. there are people dying every night on the streets but i only think of myself. we are so mean to ourselves and it prevents us from ever moving forward. i will still wake up and weigh myself every morning, though.

our planet's damage will be irreversible in 4 years, 3.5 years, 3 years, 2.5 years

my father tells me the climate clock isn't real. "if they want to worry about the climate, they should be elon musk's number one fan," but he doesn't like to talk about anything elon says on twitter. my mother tells me climate content is propaganda to keep me scared. she tells me im to sensitive when i come to her crying at night because i'm scared that by the time i turn 18, we won't have a planet to save anymore. my father says our best solution is to colonize mars, i disagree with him. i still buy a plastic waterbottle every day though, despite this fear i feel.

every few months when im particularly passionate, i open a google doc and i write about how scared i am. my mother says its a part of my menstrual cycle, but all i know is that i am scared

i believe we can be so much better though, we are capable of being beautiful. of being great