March

To me, march is in a way the middle kid of the first couple months of the year, and it's around this time that you typically start to brush aside any "new year goals" you perviously made, in attempts to just survive the rest of the school year. This month has especially been rough because I'm sick, and I've been sick for a while now, and it's zapping all the life out of me. Sure I see friends, but I don't enjoy it like I should. I get to see my girlfriend at school every day, but it's not cheering me up. I feel like a zombie no matter what.  Is it possible to write a month off as the worst one 10 days in? I think so. 

None the less, I'm still determined to make the most out of it. I'm not currently that busy, thank God, so I actually have time to focus on schoolwork. Maybe I'll stop procrastinating? I told myself that's what I'm giving up for Lent, and yet I've already turned in about three late assignments since then. I have a college tour at the end of the month, I guess that's what I have to look forward to. I'm going with my best friend and while I am excited to see the campus, it's just making me question my future even more. Is this what it's all about? Working hard on subjects that I don't like now for a career I may grow up and realize I don't want to pursue in the future? Having too many ideas on what to do with my passions, even though I'm not really good at any of them and I'll probably give them up in a year anyways? Or is it still just the tenth of march, not even halfway through the month, and not even halfway through the semester? 

I have a lot of thoughts today. Thinking seems to be the only properly working function my body is letting me have right now. Lord that's dramatic, I just have a cold, but it's been affecting me for about 2 and a half months now. I need to see a specialist. I also think I need to cut my hair, it's bugging me. Needs and wants are two very different things, for right now I simply want to eat one of the strawberry shortcake cupcakes in my kitchen, but obviously I don't need that. I also want to start journaling, or getting my thoughts out there somehow, hence this crappy blog post. 

Highlight from this month though, I finally figured out how to get videos I took on my camcorder onto my computer. I want to start videotaping more things on there, the quality is pretty nice for how old it is. Right now I mostly just take it to concerts and stuff like that, but I'm going on a trip over spring break, so I'll probably pack the camera to catch a couple of moments. 

That's another thing, I wanna be on spring break so bad right now, and winter break was only a few weeks ago. I guess it's mostly just excitement about my trip and my birthday, and of course for being out of school. Honestly all I can even hope for in the world right now is that whatever evil sickness I've had bestowed upon me is gone by then.

As I'm writing this I'm listening to "Record Ender" by Frank Iero and the Future Violence. Freshman year me and my friend had some kind of inside joke surrounding this song so it made me laugh for a long time when it's actually really depressing, and lyrically well written. "If the air was heavy you can hold my breath while I hold yours; if it makes you happy I'll wrestle the sun, the moon and the stars" "It takes a lot to find yourself in a place where no one looks" great stuff. I love Frank Iero. That was completely unrelated to anything within this blog, but I felt that it needed some appreciation, because his solo career songs always hit hard. I'm seeing mcr twice this year which is a sentence I truly never thought I would say. I promised my friend who isn't going with me to my 2nd show that I would get plenty of Frank content for her. Trust I will. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about how simple events change the course of your life, but specifically with people you meet on the internet. One "blank has friended you!" can positively or negatively impact you for a long time. It's so strange, you bond with someone over some pop punk band online for two years and then suddenly you're meeting them in 6 months. I love making online friends. Not a lot though, because people on the internet are scary. Plus I can sleep peacefully at night knowing that nobody has or can dox me. Also I want to know what happened to all of my online friends I met on Roblox as a kid. Again, lots of thoughts.

How is it still Monday. I feel like today has been 3 miles long. I think that's where I'm gonna end this thing, because it's genuinely so shocking that not only is it not Wednesday, it's not even TUESDAY. Oh, and it's still March. I can't stand it any longer.