2025 here

Wow. Has it been a whirlwind since my last post. It's weird reading over them knowing what I was feeling at those moments compared to how I feel now. I finished my one year University stint and then took a gap year where I did absolutely nothing but sports. I turned 20, which was a weird experience in itself. Because it's this weird in between of "oh I was an adult at 18 but 20 is more adulty" and "oh god I'm 20, I should have my life figured out by now." and I tend to overthink things a lot...A LOT. 

So this year I decided, well more so realized and acknowledged, that what I've really always wanted to do was... acting. It's been a part of my life as long as taekwondo has, and if you know anything about me it's that I was practically born in a dobok. I've always loved performing, telling stories and stepping into different shoes for a moment or longer. Story is where my love for it lies, I feel honored when I get to be a puppet in a great story. So I got back into it, I had done a couple student films and theatre productions before so I knew where to start. And not to toot my own horn but acting was one of the few things I felt I was actually good at, not just average like I am at the many hobbies I've picked up and dropped or come back to over the years, because I' an empath, as pretentious as it sounds to say that, and I love delving into intentions, actions and emotions of characters. I remember as a kid not only watching movies for the story but while watching I'd be analyzing every small detail of every scene, not just noticing random things in the background but also every little facial expression, gesture and word portrayed so brilliantly by many of the actors I love to thins day, and not so well by others. I learned early on that realism lead to a convincing performance, that by believing what you're saying draws you in to hanging on every moment of the film or show. 

Recently, this year,  I worked on a student short film as a lead and I have to say it was not only one of the most passionate and incredible crews to work with, but it was less nerve racking then I thought it would be. It was the first production I was a part of that shot for two full days in a row, it gave a taste of what is required of me if I want to legitimately be a part of this industry, and it was a wonderful experience. I'm an anxious person, I fear disappointing people, so the drive there all I could really think was "I'm gonna get there and then they'll realize they've made a mistake in choosing me and I'll be fired." Fun thought really. I'm confident in my skill but on the day it's like I'm going to just blank on everything and screw it up. But obviously that didn't happen. I did good in my opinion, and that to me truly is a testament more on the wonderful crew that me as an artist, because if the environment isn't comfortable, neither will the performance be. Student films are great because it's carried by true passion, not just monetary value, I absolutely loved the director so passionately and intricately explaining what she wanted out of my performance, rather than just saying "you're sad here," she gave me reasons and story points, mark my words she is going places. And everyone else was so kind and chill yet professional, it was a necessary mix of order and chaos. That and what more bonding can you do then sing karaoke together after wrapping for the day. "APT" will be stuck in my head for days. It's easy for people to forget that without each and every member of that team the movie wouldn't be anything, as the actor, what good am I without a writer, or without a producer or editor or any other component. Each person is like this thin slice of the final cake, but without even a single slice the cake wouldn't be whole. Some actors believe that they're the main attraction and it shows, and that's the biggest turn off for me. I sit through credits at the theatre and at home, not just because sometimes there's extras after, but because I feel bad not appreciating all the people involved behind the screen, I read all the names and hope they feel the gratitude I feel. I don't know how to explain it, but I hope they feel my appreciation. It's the equivalent of audiences clapping upon the end of a theatre production when the cast come out and thank their cast and crew. It's that same feeling. 

Anyways, back to the point at hand, this was my first legitimate lead role, other that productions I did in high school, this was the first one for being in the industry. I felt so professional glancing over the call sheets with my name being spelled out beside a character name. Up until this I've done extras work and I will continue to do so because I love doing that too. Essentially I will say YES to any part of any project that has great stories to tell or a interesting character. 

Onwards and upwards from here. 

Stay beautiful,

Lara Lily