Lowkey feel like a mess

Kinda talking into the void right now. Maybe people will see it or maybe not. I really wanna do those cool looking blogs where people post about their life daily and have that cute scene background of their post. They look so cool (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠). But also i feel like i leave my previous self whenever i dont post or talk online like today was the first time in months i started talking online again and i honestly miss that kind of life i had so many online friends and we played for so long at nights where it didnt feel real. Now i have a lot of real life friends, someone asked me out, im on a leadership team but i just miss talking to people online. Dont get me wrong im very grateful for all of these things happening to me. I just kinda feel fake for wanting something that a lot of people despise which is having a large presence online.