Ms A

Ms A,

It feels me with angst to have not seen your letter sooner. 

You can never persuade someone enough, they'll have to reach the conclusion on their own. I'm happy you're on the way of recovery.

I do not want you to mourn me. I don't have to hurt. We don't have to hurt. May my memories bring you comfort, that you feel grateful and worthy of the care I have for you.

May this note be of a positive, joyful feeling and not of grief.

On my way home, we drive past your building and I always look to see if you happen to be there. 

The girl pendant on the pink bracelet you gifted me feel. I put it in a jar together with other memories from other times.

It's so messy, my head. I don't know what to say. I want to make it clear I feel no remorse for you. I like you. I still like you. I'll be here still. I'm not going anywhere. I want to hold your core, the single neuron that makes you you and scream to it that it's going to be ok. We don't have to hurt. You're important to me.

It's true I've noticed myself being more reserved since our departure and I haven't opened to anyone ever since. I wish I had pretty words to say to you. These past few days have been stressful. My eyes are watering. I wish this could've been nicer. I wish I could send you a pink letter with glitters, stickers, hearts, everything but this is the best my head will let me. I'm too tired. 

I officially got my autism lv1 diagnosis.

an universe of things will happen inside us but tomorrow is still monday.