socially dead college student (me)

if you were one of those high schoolers who had a shit time in high school, who hoped and prayed and relished in the fact that college would be better than this, it isn't better. I'm 20, in my second year of college and I don't have a group of friends who I hang out with on a regular basis. i have two friends at worst and maybe 5 at best. honestly a lot of my social failures can be attributed to autism, but its also my fault because I don't put myself out there.

i love to be alone, I love spending time all by myself, I enjoy being solitary and I'm not ashamed of this fact. however it has proved to be a liability when it comes to college. there's parties every weekend, a thousand clubs to join, hell, my roommates have their friends over all the time. i damn well could talk to people more or at least try to socialize with my roommates friends when they're at our house but I just don't. why? because I hate talking to people. its exhausting and much easier to enjoy my own company. but I want that college experience that everyone talks about. 

every autistic person I've met irl or on the internet has said how freeing their diagnosis was for them, but mine feels like a cage. i know I'm doomed socially for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it. there's nothing wrong with being different, said the psychiatrist who diagnosed me. no maybe not but the differences I have arent good differences. at least the ones that affect me the most. 

point being, I have no fucking friends and I'm tired. i feel like I'm wasting my college years holed up in my room despite that being my preferred way to spend my weekend. i don't know what I'm doing with my life or if the career path I've chosen is really right for me. thinking about this is such a huge downer because I really am kind of a loser. is this how my entire  life is gonna be???