Hello Spacehey world. (Long and depressing)

I am tired of searching for blogs, chatrooms and groups for people like me.

I'm 39. I've had depression and no sense of self-worth since before puberty. I'm bipolar with social anxiety, agoraphobia and i have panic attacks.

I live at home with my mother. I have no adult skills. I don't even drive.

The lockdowns and covid rules haven't changed my life much. I see most of my doctors by webcam now. I like it, of course, because i don't need to leave my cell/home.

This weekend i tried to keep up conversations with 2 of my friends. My best friend talked to me for 40 minutes before ghosting me. He always does this. I can't stand it. 

He also has depression and is bipolar but we aren't good at helping each other. It's more of a "lol we're so fucked up" situation. He says he wishes he could help me. I wish he could too.

I just started seeing a new therapist. I'm afraid to talk to her. I'm afraid she's going to put me in a hospital or something.

I just want to talk to people my age with some kind of understanding of mental illness.

So....here i am.

(I'm sorry this is so long)