How 2000's culture influences my life

HI GUYS! how r u all?

So, everyone in life once had someone who showed to you the whole universe, or the world, or everything... or something like that lol

Well, as a 2010 kid, i always used to admire my cousin for being the teenager who i wanted to be, she always had cool stuff, like toys, watches, bracelets, clothes, musics, styles and etc... She was a 2014 teenager, who used to like brazilian 2010 funks, facebook, games like pou and zombie tsunami, memes (like the troll face guy, derp and derphina) and nickelodion cartoons... and toys! she was super cool and showed me this 2000 internet universe throw YT and Games, and by herself too, all i know today was because of her and what i turned to was because of her too...

SINCE I GREW UP....so much things changed, like now i've 18y old and its not like it was in my cousin's teenage years, like i thoght it would be, so much years had passed and my cousin changed too, she's a mother now, not the cool teenager, she has her own problems to solve and her deals. Well, i always knew that i was a weirdo kid before, i was never feminine enough, i were alone all the time except when i were with my sister, i always had trouble to make friends and these stuff... my childhood was a bit messed up, i've always been attached to the teenage 2000's aesthetic, especially my cousin as reference so i held it like it was my entire life.

but now i have to look for a university, i don't have money to fun, i don't have money to search to my dreams and expectations, i have no job, everything seems fucked up! you know? what the hell is my teenage fucking dream?

highschool has passed (im blessed), my friends went to different ways and i just kept a few of them, because the most of them has their own things to deal with and don't have time to a simply "how r u?" fucked message. We spend time with so much people to end up with nothing, i'm gratefull for those who still with me anyways... this is frustrating anyway.

Going back to the point, i've still have the same old dreams that i had as a child, doesn't matter how long it takes to be who i want to be, i know i can make it in my way, im still a child who wants to play the guitar (eletric and acoustic) and to skate. i will keep it in my mind anyway, no matter what.