Taking sayings literally

"you can't have your cake and eat it" or sum, is silly cause I want my cake and I want to eat it too! Is it a trend to get offended? What's going on? like whose passing these laws? I know it's not Marie Antoinette. But if i've bought a cake it's obviously because I want to eat it. It's like dietary restrictions to the max, like what - did they run out of ozempic? Like if I buy a cake I'm gonna eat it, sames if someone's baked or given me a cake, I'm not just gonna sit it in my lap nd stain my jeans. Does this apply to every baked good, or only cakes because I think that's just plain mean. To me, if you wash yourself with sweet smelling products in the shower, you walk out feeling like a glazed donut! So what's the beef with cakes cause their pretty nice smelling too. This is like rage bait: just say someone forgot to get you a birthday cake growing up and that's why people can't eat cakes. If it's not that then what gives? Cause I know it isn't you at a bake sale. 

As well as "a watched pot never boils" does it have stage fright, or even stove fright? I know this is fake because I've watched a pot boil so history is just one pathological liar after the next. And the sayings hardly shakespeare level- why'd it catch on? 

These sayings just make me want to throw my hands up in despair. Is it okay with you if I turn my swag on? Because apparently everything has a witty saying to go with it to hurt you.