Silent Hill 2 and this evening

The main character is drug through his guilt, which he's unable to face. In a cafe theres a sign: "Spill the beans over an honest cup of coffee". In the laundromat a "Come clean" detergent ad. The hospital - "Focus on what matters most and let us handle the rest" - Implying he often left his wife alone. You pass through an abandoned strip club with a wedding ring in the lost and found tray. A nurses lingerie outfit is collapsed onto a seat. He looks nervously at alcohol, and takes a second glance before walking away. Sometimes in the distance you'll see the silhouette of a woman in a window, but when you get closer you discover the window is dark. They never tell you directly what he did while his wife was terminally ill. It's all implied. Later on when you try to re-read her letter, you discover it's a blank sheet of paper - Then even later, the envelope is empty - There was no letter. It's a psychological experience, up there with the best books IMO. 

I don't know why I resonate with that. Maybe I just appreciate depth and metaphors. In my own life, my marriage fell apart. In the beginning, I saw a slight bit of selfishness in her, which made me cautious. But she seemed to love me so much that it was easy to ignore. It showed glaringly several times, but at 7 years came out full force, and she changed almost unrecognizably, whether she would admit that or not. The truth is I should have appreciated her more, and I regret not doing that. But in the end, she wanted a different life, and what we both envisioned as a fulfilling life together wasn't matching up to any overlapping degree.  

So it looks like I'm embarking once again, on my own. But I've always liked being on my own, I just forgot how to do that for a while. Sometimes when you get out of a relationship, you feel like you've lost everything, but you regain your sense of self. Which is all you really ever had. If I ever do get into another one, I'll make sure to keep myself.