Sweet Sorrow, Mine Own

After a long break, I’m writing my second blog entry. I’m not really sure what to write about again… I don’t know. I guess I’ll just write whatever’s on my mind right now.

Not knowing how to live… What a shitty thing. I think some people don’t deserve to live. Including myself. You know what my mom always says? :) “You can tell a person by their room.” It might sound silly, but it’s so true. Messy and chaotic, suffocating, neglected… A perfect reflection of me.

Even when I manage to get back on my feet for a couple of days, I always end up falling again, over and over… for weeks, for months… And right now, I’m in one of those times again. When you fall, no one picks you up, except yourself. But I’m not even here…

Anyway… I always write gloomy things. I can’t help it. That’s just how my life is. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, unfortunately. I’ve already killed myself. Dying isn’t just a physical thing…

University started. It’s been three weeks. This week, I didn’t attend a single class, and I didn’t sleep. Whenever I did manage to sleep, it was around 4-5 AM at the earliest, waking up around noon. I couldn’t even text the most important person in my life, the one person who maybe understands me, or at least tries to. I’m a bad friend… A bad kid, a bad sibling…

I don’t think I have a good side anymore. I’m sorry. First to the self I lost, then to everyone else.