i wonder...

A poem i wrote in august

i wonder. i wonder. i wonder. i wonder...

all i do is wonder

i wonder my little heart out until it hurts

until it stings and burns 

until it spreads to my lungs 

and my stomach churns

until i don't want to wonder anymore

then i go to sleep

and dream, dream, dream, dream...

i dream about becoming a mother

or losing my own at the hands of my father

with his venomous tongue 

and voice like thunder

i dream of a life 

with a boy far from here 

of a love so gentle 

like a whisper in my ear

i dream of freedom and peace

of lightning and rain

of a salt air breeze 

and blinding pain 

and then i wake up 

in a dark room 

and i wonder

about exploding stars 

and a crying moon