Rant 2

I can't take this anymore, why is he playing so easily with my emotions? I truly believed he understood me, that our bond was strong and would only prosper the further we interacted. I had my heart slowly open to him, that trust I struggled so long to give.. forming for him. All for Him. Yet here I am.. I wallow in empty numbing thoughts, I cannot cry, I cannot let it all out. Truly possessing emotions is a god damn privilege. being nearly sociopathic my whole life, feeling anything but anger was nearly impossible for me. 

This boy... I still love him, but god does he hurt me so much. Why did he suddenly change so fast? Where has his love for me gone? Why did everything we built and manage wither away..? I've done nothing to harm him on purpose or with such intent, I only ever delivered him love. I just want him to come back, I want to hear him say he loves me and comfort me the way he did.. I wanted it to work.

It’s just, so suddenly he stoped talking to me. I saw him online on instagram, I messaged him and he never replied. Even after his school work was finished, hours went on. And yet all I managed from him was a simple "seen". he left me opened on snap.. even now after i messaged him. I honestly do love him, being sociopathic I tend to be stupid when I feel anything so strong as love.

perhaps he's cheating even.. Oh God I feel like such a fcking idiot! I love him so much. I just want him to love me again.. </3 

why did he have to change.. I wish I could understand why people do this, why they leave when they know someone loves them as I love him. He’s so damn fucking lucky he can feel something. Yet I can’t even feel the slightest of emotion, only anger.. I swear being in love is a privilege yet a curse and I've fallen gravely into this hell hole spiral.. </3