Writing - Jesus and his Lamb

Dear,

i smoked a lot of weed and i was laying there thinking of you. what are you up to now? (laying there i swore i felt your hand tracing my back, then one on my ribs.) it's been a while, and i hate loosing a friend. (i wish you would hold me like that. a hand on my ribs and the other tracing my back.) i miss you, by the way. (i closed my eyes and felt warm, like you were there. i want to cry.)

i dont have any hard feelings for you. (i've been saying i hate you and dont want to see you.) i hope youre doing okay with everything going on! (do you really? was what you said true?) hopefully its all well. i still hope you do okay after everything. (i hear your name and i freeze up. im angry and sad. but i miss you. we were close.)

(i have to tell you, i hope you were lying. i almost want things back to how they were, maybe even just kind of. i think about us, and remembered our joke. i'd love you until the day i died. i want to hate you so badly. i want you back in my arms. i want to be the lamb this time. you make me feel like an abused one. i need to ignore it and not talk to you. but things are so new and i was so pure and white. but it all gets scary and you are familiar arms.) 

Have a good night,
XX 3/7/25