to forget and to be forgotten

context ive been having like. a week? long breakdown? idk but i probably need to hop back on the zoloft grind. this isnt too normal of me tbh. anyways here r my thoughts on forgetting people or yourself and being forgotten

i really do think that being completely and utterly forgotten is the most beautiful thing. ive had this stance for YEARS at this point. i dont like being perceived or making friends because if people get connected to me, that means that they’ll remember me more, which is something i don't want

i dropped out of my highschool so people can forget about me. i went to online school instead where i dont have to show my face or interact with other students outside of texts. whenever an old friend tries to text me from school, i usually just leave them on read. i’m here but i don’t want you to know me

i really do want to be completely forgotten about. idk theres something so pretty about being able to take a third person stance on things, my old friends at school might've forgotten me by now and i hope they did.  its like getting to watch them exist in a world where i never existed, and they never knew me, and i think that’s really nice to look at and think about

don't get me wrong, i’m not suicidal nor do i actively want to die. i’m more passive about death i think. like sure i’m scared of it, but if i were to drop dead right now, i don’t think i’d mind much. maybe as a ghost i can take that third person view again and watch everyone forget about me, and live on their own

i like to live with the stance of “you don’t remember the billions upon billions of years before you were born, so you wont remember the billions upon billions of years that’ll happen after your death”. i think it’s nice.  we’ll all fade to dust one day and we’ll all exist in unison, completely unaware and unthinking, and nobody will ever know that we’re gone because there’s nobody to remember us

i don’t want people to think about me more than they should. i don’t post anything personal about myself other than a few hobbies and interests. i hate showing my face, my voice, my body, etc. i don’t want to be thought as some human person behind a screen. i don’t want to be fully and entirely known, because i don’t think there’s really a use for that. i’m a spectator in your world, i just like to watch things. there’s no need to acknowledge a narrator or a cameraperson if you aren’t even aware that they exist

one day, when i die, i want to be forgotten entirely. it can take however long it takes. from days to generations, i don’t care. you can keep memoirs of me, because they’ll end up breaking and becoming incomprehensible one day. pictures and writings and art doesn’t last forever unless incredibly preserved, and i don’t want anything of mine to be preserved as if it was some precious item.  my life would’ve already gone out at that point, there’s no need to mull over what “gabriel would’ve wanted” if i’m not there to say what i want anyways

even after someone reads this post too. i can’t wait for you to forget that this post even exists. it’ll make me very happy.  you can comment, share, screenshot, etc, because one day you’ll forget you even had a spacehey account.  this is just a little thing i’m posting here to get my mind off of things, and it’s not important in any way or shape or form. forget about me!!! forget about this post!!! i’ll see yall around!!!