VENT!! i hate school sm (and my family)

tw : mentions of concussions, self harm ig, and hitting.

GRAHHHHHHHHdHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my cocd is getting so bad,, my grandparents who im staying w rn r so GROSS, not just in an ocd way, and its WORSENING my ocd, i havent slept happily in MONTHS. MONTHS.

i'm always hitting myself bcz im upset and overstimulated, i hate it !!! !!  !

i hate school,, its always abt studying for my family, nothing is EVER FUCKING ENOUGH. I rlly don't wanna see what i got on my finals tbh. i'm sure i'll just get more unhappiness. i hate going home

today, i go home and my grandma's all smiley and laughing. and she tells me to smile more, i never smile etc. so i say she doesn't smile at me either, and she's like "cause u never smile at us" and i was like wtf u never smile back at me even when i smile back at you??? and then she acts like she's gonna fucking hit me, multiple times, and is like omg ur such a debby downer (i have rlly shit memory so i cant exactly remember, + im listening to music so i cant think.) ( plus it wasnt in engllish) so i just go hole up in my room for an hour. not even "my" room.

i'm pretty sure i gave myself a concussion from all this but whatever.