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                 I recall a time, Many years before today. I was awfully young, just a boy. We both were just boys. We liked rough housing, running around, playing and adventure. We dressed as children do, torn jeans, graphic tee's, dirty shoes. Put together yet fallen apart. We especially liked the woods. We would go there often. One day, we happened across a river. The river was endless in length, but width, it seemed reasonable to jump across. I was terrified of water. The idea of drowning terrified me, even looking at the water scared me at times. Me and the boy would visit this river every now and again. He would encourage me on what may be on the other side of the river, to find a way across, but my fear relented.

                  Me and this boy became very close friends, perhaps best friends. We would go on our adventures more, we would play endlessly, and of course, we would visit the river deep in the forest. One day, we happened upon this river, as we have done before. He wished to stay near the river, to relax a bit with me, and though the water made me nervous, I stayed. I was sat near the river, picking at blades of grass and dandelions mindlessly, as he played near the river, and walked its expanse.

                 "Watch this!" I heard above me, and before I could fully look up, he had jumped across the river in one big bound. Across its great expanse, not even so much as getting his shoes wet. "What have you done?!" I called out, my angry fervor and concern bounced off the woods around us. "I wanted to see what is on this side, wont you join me?". I shook my head angrily, tossing my grass and dandelions aside. "I cant join you, you know that! Just come back to this side!". He laughed, his pride dripping from his lips. "After you come across and we check out whats over here, Ill come back". I shook my head and pouted. "Not happening, come back over here! We can play on this side". He relented, refusing to meet my demands. I began to weep after some hours trying to convince him. "Please just come back over here, I cant go over there! The water, it scares me!", and he would do nothing but try to convince me, he was firm and steadfast, he wanted me with him. I couldn't, I simply couldn't. I told him I was leaving, going back home. As I turned my back he called out. "Alright, but if you ever want to hang out again, I'll be here! Come back to this spot and I will be here, waiting for you." I nodded, in acknowledgement. I left the woods, guided myself through the bramble and weeds, looking back all the while. He remained, there at his side of the river. Watching. Growing harder to see as the brush enveloped the distance between us.

                  Several weeks after that day, I began visiting him like clockwork. He would be there each time, in his torn pants, his graphic tee, and his dirty shoes. I would sit on my side and talk to him. We would sit on our sides and speak. Sometimes for hours. He wanted to keep the topic light, but I always wanted to tell him the truth. I would tell him how much I missed him often. He never wanted to hear that. One day, after talking, I began to cry. I cried and cried, I kept telling him how much I missed the fun we'd have, and how much I wanted him on my side of the river. He suggested something. "There is a way you could be closer, you know.." he said, with a slight smirk. "If you aren't comfortable jumping, as I did, you can always try swimming?.." Absolutely not. I was even more scared of that. Through the tears I explained this. After this, he suggested something else. "Just get undressed and sit in the water for a bit, and play with the water. That could help you build up the tolerance of swimming..". Perhaps he was right. Each day, I would start small. Stick a finger in. Take off my shoes. Push and push myself. I got to the point that if I focused more on my desire to play with him again, that I could sustain my fear, even for a short while. After a while though, I began to snap at him. He was impatient. He would remind me to push and push. I got angry with him. "Perhaps having just my legs in the water, I could still go downriver! I am still scared! I refuse it!". I would storm off from the river often times, but I would always come back days later, and he would always be waiting for me.

                     I got more daring. I would try to jump, and fail. I failed jumping across two or three times. I didn't get far either. My pants would get wet, and I barely made any headway across. I would always retreat back to my side each time, angry. I was angry at him, and I was angry at myself. I couldn't jump. If I don't jump far enough, the river will envelope me. It scared me tremendously. I would yell at him each time before leaving. I began stealing liquor out of stores, hoping that the jump could be easier the more I drink. My fear being blinded by inebriation sounded like a smart plan. I would try to jump while drunk several times, but more often than not, I would just sit at the river bank and yell at him as I drank, imploring him to come back to my side, and at times, begging. I would drink and drink, at times I would forget if I even visited the river or not.

                   One day, I would return to the river. I would be hung over, and unbelievably confused. That morning, my clothes were soaked. I recalled nothing. I came to the bank, and asked him what happened. "Of course you dont remember.." he said, scratching his head. "You were drunk, as you have been, and instead of swimming, you tried walking across.. you got nearly to the middle of the river, all the way up to your neck. You nearly drowned, but I suppose in your drunken stupor, you floated back to your side.." He said this with an almost uncaring reverence. I was fuming. "You didn't bother helping me? You didn't make any attempt to coax me out of it? I could have died!" I screamed. I was more angry than I ever have been in my life. Why do I try to cross this river? Why do I try to entertain the idea that perhaps, there's something on that side worth seeing? Why should I miss him if he didn't even try to help me? I walked away from the river bank, and didn't even bother looking back at him.

                 It would be many years later. I would have moved on with my life. I hadn't visited the river since that day I stormed off. I was less of a boy. I was able to drive. I was able to work. I was able to forgive and forget what I feared most, the water. I would swim frequently, and never, ever downed. I dressed smartly, and spoke wisely. I was a man now. I entertained the idea of going to the river again, but it was much farther from where I lived now. I had the opportunity to go back to my hometown, and I took it with stride. On an off-day, I recalled that river, and decided to go there.

                 I got to the forest, finding it hard to push my way through the brush. I was dressed somewhat nice, and feebly attempting to keep it that way. I walk for what feels like miles, uphill and downhill, through it all. Finally, I get the feeling im close. I hear it, the running water, the babbling brook. The river. I quicken my pace. I see it now. The river. There he was. Against all known odds, there he was. I stood at the side of the river, and looked at him. He stood there, same as before. Graphic tee, torn jeans, and his dirty shoes. He hadn't aged a day. He stood there with the same guiding smirk as he always had. I was there for one simple reason. I dug my heels into the ground and steadied myself, crossing my arms defensively. "Fancy seeing you here, after all this time.." He said to me, cunningly. "Why.." I asked, looking towards him. He would cock his head to the side, almost feigning confusion. I know he knew what I was asking. "Why do you want me over there so bad?'. He giggled. "Come over and find out" he said, rocking on his heels back and forth, almost waiting for me to consider, even after all this time, as readily as I did before. "You and I both know that's not happening."

                 He heard me say this, and his smirk faded. He looked at me with a seriousness I was unfamiliar with. "I know why you are here" he says, also crossing his arms. "You miss me.". I was shocked. How dare he accost me, especially after so long. "You miss me, and you hate yourself for how things have turned out, how there was nothing you could do." As he spoke, my strength began to falter. I would begin to shake. "You want more than anything to return to how simple it all was,. but you cant. I am a child forever, and you are only a shell of what was. You can only get that back if you join me.". I would begin to cry. Tears fell down my weathered cheeks. I began to weep like a schoolboy. I may have been a man, but deep down I was just a boy. A scared, terribly sad, little boy. I fell to my knees, dirtying my nice outfit with the sod of the river that I had abandoned all those years ago. The mud cushioned me, and humbled me. Reminded me of my humanity. "There is an answer." he said, breaking through my weeping. "You either cross now, or never return. Go back to your new life. return to those who you work so hard for." I stood up, wiping my face, hanging onto every word. "Your side is yours, and mine is my own. You will see whats over here, in due time." I nodded, my frown turning into a sardonic smirk. "You can make peace with all this, just leave this place. Leave here and forget. When the time comes, I will show you whats over here. I will grab your hand and we can have new adventures of our own. Just live." I left the forest, never to return, parting him with the words I shall hope I never regret. "I will leave.. But I shall never forget. Goodbye, friend."