Some thoughts on my head

Lately I've been feeling beyond lost, I don't mean "in the middle of the woods" lost, no, I mean "sent to a completely different reality of constantly shifting matter beyond my comprehension" lost.

 Like waking up and putting your foot on the ground only for the floor to be that dreaded quicksand that cartoons have warned me about (thanks cartoons), just a sinking anxiety that maybe just maybe not everything is going to be fine, or hell nothing at all, and i oscillate between being totally fine with this quickly worse turn of life and absolute panic and lashing out.

Aimlessness, maybe not even that i just dont even know where to start to get even close to the life i want in professional level.

 Family, mine like pretty much all others creates more confusion than it solves, with the added characteristic that im pretty sure they all legitimately hate eachother and themselves. 

 Love, which although gives me life and hope for the future isn't a bed of roses and cooperation is hard, trust is hard, sacrifice is hard and all of it is hard because its two people with their own sets of problems, coping mechanisms and timing, but all of it is worth it, atleast for me. 

Money, god damn fucking money, honestly every single day I have to fight my conscience not to go out and steal some because no matter how much i work for it I never seem to have enough, and i dont mean that in a hahaha funny 90s "gosh darn it i wanted to buy a second car" no i mean it in if any expense that isn't predicted appears and I'm straight up fucked, the fact ive managed to even survive on it is due to total luck and family, not that they save me that much money at all and what they do save they take out in torture, still up until now ive survived and helped my loved ones everytime they need it but now its really catching up with me and I can barely help myself, all I hope is that I get an opportunity to ya know atleast be able to fix on side of these multifaceted problems, like atleast one right?

Anyway thats a whole lot of that so I'm gonna finish it up.

Hope whoever had the patience to read this is having a good one, have a drink for me will ya?