Being An Insecure Girl Is Not Very Fun!

Hey, y'all! This post will be another random yap sesh about me...a highly insecure girl. So, come along and enjoy this ride of all of my insecurities. And remember...like, comment, and subscribe!

One of the biggest things I'm very insecure about is my image. It goes from my face to my size, color, etc. Personally, I don't think I'm pretty. Every now and then, I'll look at myself in the mirror and just stare. I can't look at myself too long, because then I'll start to nitpick. I try not to tear myself down too much, because I'm essentially talking bad about my parents and...also God. I was made in His image. He created me. But, also...my parents created me. I look like a mixture of both of them. A funny thing...my dad would just look at me and ask who do I look like? Him or my mom? I see them in my face but sometimes, I just look like me...which would be neither? Hm.

Having a boyfriend or anyone who genuinely likes me...it's crazy to hear them talk so highly of me. They talk about how smart I am. Which isn't true, I just know a lot of random stuff that's never relevant to anything. They mention how good of a singer I am...now that is definitely not true. just because I sing a karaoke song here and there, doesn't mean anything. I get told I'm pretty. I'm not. I'm ugly. As I study my face in the mirror, it makes me sad and upset...how could anyone find me pretty? Even using/hearing the words attractive, hot, or sexy...to describe me, just blows my mind. How can I look like that in someone's eyes?

I'm insecure because I think of the past a lot. Too much...like an unhealthy amount. I'll never be her. The feeling between us will never be the feeling you once had for her when you saw her for the first time. The love that was once between them...will never be seen between us. He will never look at me like how he did with her, all of those years ago. I'll never amount to what she was like. Especially because I'm this useless, scared, inexperienced virgin. I'll never be as smart as her. I'll never like the same things that y'all share a common interest in and bond over. I'll never be her. And it's sad that even though it's not said out loud, I'll always be number 2...now and forever.

I tend to say sorry a lot. I say it without thinking...but most of the time, I do. I never want to be a bother and yet, I am. I don't understand a lot of things, hence why I'm not smart. I have to apologize a lot because I feel the need to alert people, that I don't know a lot of things. I say sorry because I feel like I'm never good enough. Especially when I'm with my boyfriend! But, anyway...

Seems like that's all I need to say! Sorry for the rambling on, I've been told I talk too much about the stuff that doesn't matter. Which in a sense, yeah none of this stuff does. These are all insecurities in my head. Right! I hope, haha...uhhhhh.

Until next time, 

Zelly :))