Report Blog Entry
Does everyone really believe what they see on TV or read online?
Hollywood is a place that I've grown up with.. It's ruined my life before and made me who I am today. There's no denying any of that.. I LOVE it here. I would never move away.. It's ME. But with everything, there's always the dark side. LA is full of SHIT and so are 90% of the assholes that live here. It's so easy to read someone's Myspace page and think that what they're showing you is true. All these scene "queen" bitches who pretend they're rich when in reality they can hardly make it so they have to use every band they can get near.. And all these fake ass BANDS who lie and say they have a record deal and tons of money, when in reality they're a fucking joke in this city but sadly, kids across the world think they're "cool" for 5 seconds because of what they say and who they PORTRAY themselves to be.
The only reason why I'm wasting 10 minutes of my time saying this, is because I get asked ALL THE TIME: "Are you friends with ______??"
It's common, because there are thousands of pictures of me online w/people and everyone wonders.. are they friends, enemies..? does he still talk with so-and-so.. and I think it's time I address some of these things. I don't want to be associated with A LOT of my past anymore because my EX-friends are fucking jokes or I don't believe in what they stand for anymore.
HATERS. That's what it comes down to.. and we can all argue every day about people being "jealous" and hating JEFFREE STAR, but it doesn't matter.. you can't deny the facts.
Talking shit is an art form I mastered a long time ago and youre far behind in the game. Every time you speak your mind, I'm laughing because you dont make sense. Every time you say I'm ugly, I look in the mirror and smile. Every time you call me a fucking cunt, I agree. Every time you push me, I smash your face with my compact. Every time you steal what I've made, I create more. Im a machine, but sorry sweetheart my battery is fully charged and Im not going anywhere. So here we go.. ready? DEAR HATERS...
I love being dissected, looked at and told I'm wrong. I love how everyone can say what they want but once its my turn I have to keep quiet. But every time I REPLY, I'm told another LIE and the story goes on..
My life is exactly what it is: MY FUCKING LIFE.
So why are you pretending to be a part of it? Sorry but the DO NOT ENTER sign means YOU and I'm tired of seeing the same 14 year old faces running their mouths when they have no idea what theyre talking about.
You pretend to know everything about me when I never let you see it all in the first place. I keep myself to ME because its MINE and I'm not letting you take that away.. But I will take away your dignity and I'll eat it whole and vomit it back up. Make sure to clean up the mess.
I'm the QUEEN BITCH, the motherfucker you love to hate. I call myself these things with sarcasm. I'm not a beauty queen. This isnt a TV show, this is ME. I'm not some model dying for attention and showing my body so everyone can tell me I'm not fat. I'm not sitting here begging for compliments because you can go fuck yourself some more. This isn't a sex video and though I may dress like I just walked out of a porno, there is no FUCKING involved here.
THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO PROVE BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING TO PROVE IN THE FIRST PLACE
get it?
I'm not pretty. I'm not special or unique. I'm just honest and that seems to be a problem here. And how do we solve problems? We kill them, talk about them and FIX them. Would you like to fix me? I'd rather punch you in the face so find someone else. A million times I've been crucified, but unlike Jesus Christ, I'm still standing here with nothing to hide. I'm in your face when you tell me to fuck off. I'm spitting in your face when you hide behind your computer screen. I'm waiting for you when you pretend youre going to kick my ass. NOTHING HAS EVER HAPPENED. But why not? I've gotten into a hundred fights before with people who MEANT it. But no one on this website does.. The people I know in REAL life on Myspace who have talked shit are all scared people. There lives are fucking pathetic so they try and infect mine. But I have my own disease so youve chosen the wrong contestant to star in your little game show. The games I play are simple: finish what you start. But thats another problem everyone ELSE seems to have.
So let me be honest for a second..
I see so many people writing posts about how I'm an attention whore. Im a fag, an ugly cross dressing bitch.. well those words are easy to type on a computer and those words are easy to say when you have a made-up screen name and FAKE photos to go with the name.. and its also easy to tell me how STUPID and UGLY I am when you live 8 states away.. or even in the same town as me. But when you come face to face with these people, it's the same story. They all back down and say they didnt mean to or I'm so sorry because they're full of shit.
Analyze my LIFE....my LYRICS...or simply ask. I will always play a game of show and tell with you. As long as you are willing to do the same with me. I will read until my eyes grow tired and bored from your constant digging...in attempt to bury me alive when I have already been dead...on the inside. I HAVE been there. HAVE YOU? Too young to know the truth about me past or present but I don't resent you or hold you in contempt for what you do not know. Everyday I grow..... STRONGER weaker LOUDER meeker FINDER keeper FIND HIM keep HIM ...away from ...me not talking to... me stopped talking to ...ME? If ONLY YOU would STOP TALKING ...every time YOU fucking see .......me. If only...I didn't feel fake when YOU smile in MY face. Let my lwords eat you alive ...it seems all the LIES survive together. Come take your piece of me...if that's what you want. Rip me apart until I bleed... because it's all MY fault.
In the end it won't mean anything because I'm tired of being angry. I'm glad that so many have devotion for wanting me dead. I'm glad YOU hate me because that means you're THINKING and wasn't that my goal in the first place? I just want you to LEARN something since YOU'RE so close-minded. Isn't that right?
WHENEVER I POST AN ENTRY ON THIS WEBSITE IT SEEMS I INVOKE A CERTAIN STRANGE RESPONSE THAT IS SHARED BY MANY. MOST OF THE TIME THE LETTERS I GET ARE BEAUTIFUL, WELL WRITTEN, POSITIVE AND SUPPORTIVE. OCCASIONALLY I WILL GET A FEW THAT ARE NOT JUST NASTY BUT SO POORLY WRITTEN, THEY ARE EMBARRASSING TO EVEN READ ("INGNORANCE DOES NOT EQUAL INTELLIGENCE") YET THE PERSON WRITING THEM IS OF THE OPINION THEY ARE IN SOME WAY SO PROFOUND AND/OR PROLIFIC. IF CALLING ME A "FAGGOT" OR A "BITCH" IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO WHEN DENOUNCING MY WEBSITE AND LYRICS...I THINK YOU TRULY NEED TO GET A NEW VOCABULARY AND INVEST IN A NEW DICTIONARY MY DARLING. I WILL SAY...CHANGING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AFTER BEING BLOCKED OR IGNORED JUST SO YOUR SAME USELESS AND REPETATIVE HATE MAIL WILL GET THROUGH OVER AND OVER AGAIN DOES SHOW STAMINA.. SO YOU ARE HEREBY GIVEN AN "A".........BECAUSE ALTHOUGH IT DOES NOT TAKE A GREAT DEAL OF EFFORT TO BE AN "A...sshole"....YOU HAVE DONE THE WORK!
I KNOW THAT I AM OPENING MYSELF UP TO CRITICISM. IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO FEEL SUPPORT AND PRAISE BUT I DON'T EXPECT IT AND NEVER TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. IT SEEMS EVERYONE IS A CRITIC..EVERYONE ...INCLUDING MYSELF.
I FEEL...SO I WRITE WHAT I FEEL. I WRITE WHEN I READ OR SEE OR HEAR SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES ME TO DO SO. THEN THERE ARE THE TIMES I JUST WRITE TO HEAL.
I HAVE BEEN ON THE ATTACK LATELY. BEEN ATTACKED..AND ATTACKING BACK. I DON'T FORGET NOR DO I FORGIVE EASILY IN MY LIFE. PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW ME BECAUSE I POUR IT OUT. I NEVER POUR IT ALL OUT. I ALWAYS KEEP JUST ENOUGH FOR MYSELF. IN CASE I NEED IT IN THE END.
I WILL GIVE AWAY WHAT I CAN. SOMETHINGS I CANNOT. I CANNOT TELL THE FULL STORY BEHIND EVERY EVENT IN MY LIFE OR PERSON I HAVE COME TO KNOW. THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO THE STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OWN PERSONAL VERSION AS TO WHAT HAPPENED...WITH WHO...WHY...AND WHEN. MY WORDS ARE ALWAYS TO BE LEFT TO EVERYONE'S OWN INTERPRETATION ALTHOUGH THEY ARE BASED ON A REAL LIFE EVENT OR PERSON FROM MY OWN LIFE.
I WILL EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE WHEN I FEEL IT IS TRULY NECESSARY TO DO SO. I HAVE NEVER HAD MUCH TO OFFER EXCEPT MY LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP...AND LOYALTY. SOMETIMES THAT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE. FRIENDSHIP IS NOT SOMETHING I TAKE FOR GRANTED. I REFUSE TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONES FRIEND WHEN I KNOW I AM NOT.
I ALSO REFUSE TO LET SOMEONE PRETEND TO BE MINE WHEN I KNOW THEY ARE NOT. I HATE FAKENESS...ESPECIALLY IN PEOPLE I ONCE ADORED. THE INTERNET IS SUCH AN UGLY PLACE SO FILLED WITH HATE AND RUMORS. IT IS WHAT IT IS, AND WE ALL USE IT IN WHATEVER WAY WE FEEL WILL BEST SUIT US. WE ALL HAVE TO ACCOUNT FOR WHAT WE SAY....SOME OF US CAN HIDE BEHIND A MADE UP SCREEN NAME...IT'S EASY THAT WAY. IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH EFFORT TO FIND OUT WHO SOMEONE IS...WHEN AND IF WE WANT TO...NOT MUCH EFFORT AT ALL. MY QUESTION IS THIS....
WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH WHEN YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL? IS IT LIKE A CAR CRASH? YOU HAVE TO LOOK...YOU HAVE TO SEE FOR YOURSELF WHAT IT SAYS? MAYBE IT IS...MAYBE THIS JOURNAL IS LIKE A CAR CRASH TO SOME OF YOU WHO HATE ME...YOU CAN'T STAND WHAT I SAY..YET, YOU CAN'T FUCKING STOP READING IT...AND WRITING SHIT ME ABOUT IT. HMMMMM?
WELL...NO ONE IS DEAD HERE. NO ONE HAS BEEN KILLED AT THE SCENE. I AM ALIVE AND STILL BREATHING AND WRITING. DOES THAT SCARE YOU? IF IT DOES THEN MAYBE ...YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM...NOT ME.
I PUT MYSELF HERE..UNDER THIS MICROSCOPE FOR ALL TO SEE AND PICK APART. MY FLAWS ARE OBVIOUS...I DON'T HIDE THEM. I COULDN'T IF I TRIED. SHOULD I APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS I HAVE SAID? DO THEY PLAN ON QUOTING ME? SHOULD I APOLOGIZE FOR MY WEIGHT? FOR BEING GAY? WILL IT BE USED AGAINST ME?
PROBABLY.
BUT IT'S WHO I AM. IT'S ME. ALL OF IT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT...IT'S UP TO YOU. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO LISTEN TO IT OR READ IT. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO UNDERSTAND IT....
UNDERSTANDING COMES FROM KNOWING.
and not many people really know me...THEY JUST THINK THEY DO.
KNOW YOURSELF FIRST.
"Only a fool walks into the future looking back on his past." It's the weak ones who will always be simple to eat and kill. You all seem to be so good at hating me that it's hard to hate you back because you're all so hopeless. You're all so ugly. You are all so pathetic.
So the story has been told and the magazine will be thrown in the trash, just like your wasted efforts to prove something thats not even there.
Thank you, my fans, for everything because without YOU guys, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Opinions with TRUTH and things to back them up are what MEANS something, not childish insults and name calling. You WON'T be taken serious.
Let me delete your names and erase your faces
If you're so afraid of me than stay the fuck away.
THIS IS THE END.
Some things are better left FUCKING SAID. Not unsaid.
Love + Lipstick,
JEFFREE *
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