avatar of the stranger un-stranges?

Wow. Hi. So it's been 3 weeks. Uhh there goes 'I'm going to be consistent with the entries' or whatever promise I made to myself when I started with this. Leeeeet's just ignore that.

I HAVE AN EXCUSE THOUGH
THE FIRST WEEK I WAS GONE I WAS ON A TRIP!!! I was... *dramatic pause*............ off grid (even more dramatic reveal)

I went with my school to Mexico to build houses for families :DDDDD !!! We built five altogether
I'm not gonna yap too long about it but yeah it was sick as hell
It was really refreshing. I wish I was still over there y'know, building and helping around the community like we did gave me a real sense of purpose. I loved carrying all the heavy drywall and wood up and down the sheer mountain cliff (not an exaggeration) because it made me feel strong ("—and I like feeling strong" DAISY IS THAT YOU) and accomplished. It was disappointing coming back because 1. IT WASN'T -20 DOWN THERE GEEZ and 2. I don't have like.... a purpose here I guess. Oh well.

WHA\EVER

I have no good excuse for not writing after that, just not felt it
But I wanna yap now :3

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE TITLE
I'VE LONG HAD A CRISIS OVER MY NAME
I have like 7 names that I think are cool but just not right, yall havent seen the whole list
Such is the queer experience, I suppose

But a couple nights ago I started a new podcast (anything to heal the Magnus shaped hole in my heart-- WHICH IS RAPIDLY FILLING WITH TMAGP SEASON 2 OMDFNGDNFGBIFBIFGKBGFBKGF)

It's called "The Silt Verses"
It's nowhere near as popular as TMA or even Malevolent (which I did start but I'm only 6 or so episodes in right now, I'll share my opinions later) BUT OH MY GOD
I AM.
A SUCKER FOR RELIGIOUS IMAGERY
NOT EVEN THAT
JUST RELIGION IN GENERAL. IT IS SO FASCINATING TO ME
ESPECIALLY ALTERNATIVE RELIGIOUS PRACTICES

SO WHEN YOU PULL UP WITH THE RELIGIOUS FANATICS / BODY HORROR COMBO
I AM THERE
I AM MORE THERE THAN THERE COULD EVER BE
BODY HORROR ML <333333
(I swear this is relevant to the name thing-)

Basically the podcast follows two followers of "The Trawler-Man", one of the (MANY) gods of this universe, as they go on a holy pilgrimage down his sacred river
Those characters being Carpenter and Faulkner

FAULKNER. 
NEVER. HAVE I EVER EFFED WITH A NAME MORE.
FAULKNER IS MY LEGAL NAME NOW BITE ME (i always thought that expression was "fight me" until I watched murder drones..)

IDKIDKIDKIDK I JUST F WITH FAULKNER IN GENERAL
STRICTLY SPEAKING WE'RE NOT SIMILAR AT ALL
BUT IT'S A DEEPER LIKE 'oh he's me'
like obviously I'm not a hyper religious (serial?) murderer
but STILL

HEHEHEHEHEHEHERWEHHERHERHER IM SO HAPPY
IM LOWKEY GONNA CHANGE MY NAME-NAME HERE FROM CROW TO FAULKNER
IM SO HAPPY I LOVE IT HEHEOANOSDNSONOBSDNBNBNODBSNO

✮⋆˙

I had a cool dream last night
I wish I remembered more, but I know it was dark and spooky, and that I was somehow hunting ghosts of some sort
the only two I can remember were a tv that would play static even though it wasn't plugged in, and some creature I had to return to a coffin
which I know where the lamest two
but the vibes of the dream were so impeccable
the house I was in was numbered '58'
which made my sleepy mind come to conclusion 58 is Jonathan sim's number 
WHICH I FW
and now I headcanon because of that dream Jon's childhood house was haunted 

IM JUST SO SAD I CAN'T REMEMBER MORE GRRRR
i can't even describe the vibe it was dark and glossy and something so ghost about it

oh something else I'm pondering is religion
not related to the silk verses (lmao) but more in general
my beliefs, I guess
I'm agnostic but I fw some of wicca
and I just feel this connection to the moon
I don't know how to word it without cringing 
but I've been researching, plus looking into gods like artemis and persephone
I know I wanna make an altar of some sort
a local business sells incense and I want to buy some, plus just offer things, yk
trinkets
crystals (though i dont necessarily believe they have any special properties - there's this town we'd sometimes go for vacation with a good few rock and gemstone stores that I'd love to go back to now)
I even wanna look into tarot cards, though I haven't the faintest clue where I'd start looking

gods im looking into are selene, artemis, apollo, persephone, hades, and hecate
im not sure what selecting one is like
if there's a 'calling'
if so, I've had trouble with 'feeling' gods before, so i have little hope, lol
though i certainly do feel something with the moon
a comfort, I guess
I call her mother, though I don't know if she takes kindly to that

oh I remember i was out playing (doing quadshsdhsdshvds) in this field out behind my house last fall; it was the full moon and there was thick and silvery moonlight falling across the leaves i was hopping in
it was beautiful
i love the full moon
she shines though my bedroom window and I always position myself to sleep in her light
i remember i did so while listening to tma's first season's finale, oh i was actually tweaking out listening to that i loved it

speaking of! i went on a walk on saturday through the park near my house
a natural park, there's deer and coyotes and stuff that live down there
it's my happy place I guess
i feel alive there, like I should be out in nature
anyways the snow melted over the weekend and we were given this brief glimpse of spring (before it snowed again today... tch)
so I biked down and wandered through a bit of forest
I HIT THE BONE JACKPOT
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW

I'VE ONLY EVER FOUND THIS TOOTH (spring/early summer last year? never figured out what animal it belongs to, it's freakishly big though-- and pretty, I love the almost marble-y texture <3)  AND WHAT I ASSUMED WAS A PIECE OF AN ANTLER IN THE CREEK (brown and old-- i never bothered cleaning it, it's in my moss/mushroom jar now)
BUT ON SATURDAY? IT WAS INSANE

first I stumbled across this bone which i think may be part of a pelvis? clearly broken, plus i have no actual knowledge on this sort of stuff. Seemed a bit thin though.
THEN I FOUND A SQUIRREL SKULL 
I WAS SO COOL
THE BACK WAS MISSING BUT YOU COULD SEE TEETH AND EYE SOCKETS-- MY FRIEND AND I NAMED IT JEREMY LUPUS (as in the scientific name of the wolf, not the disease, lmao)
i found it near this really cool looking stump that had a little hidy-hole in it
promised sweets to the fae in exchange
plus there was some really cool black lichen there too
i will have to return to that area to revamp my mushroom jar
i planted a bunch of stuff last fall but it's all dead now :c
just fungi I found in my backyard though
in the forest i saw artist's conks, which are much too big, but I also saw smaller, camouflaged mushrooms on a log I could take
plus so much different textured moss, even though we're still in the throes of winter
i took back this stick with some really freaky looking lichen and a torn piece of a white who-knows-what mushroom and dropped them in the jar though, just for now
ANYWAYS

I thought that was cool
then I stumbled across this long leg bone
it's so smooth and perfect, like something you'd imagine if you thought just 'bone'
and then a little smaller one, though it looks all chewed up, sorta like the bones we'd give our dog
THEN FINALLY
PART OF A DEER'S (?) JAW, WITH THREE TEETH STILL ATTACHED
i think, at least
the teeth are almost doubled up? but it's the closest I can figure
i thought that giant tooth i mentioned before was from a deer are first
it is not
which makes me wonder what it actually is, or if it's even a tooth at all

anyways i was so happy
i've long wanted to grow my freaky object/bone collection
most notably already i have the lens of a sheep's eye in a jar on my shelf
we dissected some a little over a year ago and I snuck it home
it's name is laslo
that reminds me, I'll be dissecting frogs on the 19th
im excited
i wonder what I can pillage from that

i saw a video of someone finding bones with pendulum magic, which I'm naturally skeptical of because it would be easy to just move your hand, right? but part of me thinks thats cool
anyways im gonna see what other forest areas i can venture into

i suppose there would be many unclaimed bones since it's been winter, and there are less people about
i still must clean the ones i found with hydrogen peroxide
i've never done that before so hopefully i don't ruin anything
they've just been soaking in water for a couple days and I'm nervous they'll rapidly decompose or something

i went to an antique store a week or something ago and saw a wolf skull
IT WAS SO COOL
CANINE SKULLS ARE SO SICK AUGGUHGUH
I HAVE AN OC WITH A DOG SKULL AS A HEAD
Oh, if i has $280 to spare....
but im in crippling ($72) debt to my friend cuz yesterday we went to the mall (it was a whole thing, might explain later) and she, our other friend, and I got matching affliction shirts, and she bought them for us
ily M you're my sugar mommy
they are grey and have these sick ass wings on the back, i love then sm
but also.... $72...... in this economy

Uuuh I'm also learning Greek now
cuz why not, it looks sick
and yk its not like im busy enough with spanish at school, what scraps of german i'm disinterestedly learning from duolingo
i also used to be learning  japanese but i lowkey gave up...
I ALSO WANNA LEARN RUSSIAN BECAUSE IT LOOKS AND SOUNDS SOOOOO COOL
and latin
yeah
you see i have so many ambitious ideas to learn like this, but i still find myself watching 2 our long videos dissing some random game i've never heard about with rapt attention all day
sigh

i've been writing for 2 or so hours
where'd all the time go~?
have this

Anyways i'm gonna talk about the silt verses now so spoilers I suppose
Only for the first 5 episodes though (and episode 7 because I accidentally skipped 6 last night ??)
(what is up with me getting like 2 episodes into a podcast and just adopting the identity of a character immediately-- first it was the jarchavist now faulkner... my beloved kins)

AGAIN I LOVE RELIGION IN MEDIA
A CONCEPT I ADORE IN THE SILT VERSES IS HOW 'GODS' ARE ALMOST COMMODIFIED (?)
like hayward mentions, the police went "hey, why don't we make up a god for ourselves? everyone else has one" and thus the cloak is born
AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON SWEET JOLLY CRUNCHTOOTH. LIKE YOU HAVE TO BE SHITTING ME
THE FLUSH DIVINE.
it's so goofy but also kinda depressing
it makes a statement on how easily humans are willing to believe in something just to believe in it-- like I think one of the episodes said smth like "What is the purpose of living if you have nothing to worship" or the likes

I just really like it
how religion, like in the real world, is used just for commercial gain
sweet jolly crunchtooth 
god
I'm never getting over that

SPEEEEAKING OF THOUGH

THE SAINT ELECTRIC.

THE SAINT ELECTRIC.
SMASH.
LIKE. THAT IS THE HOTTEST NAME EVER. AND YOU CANT HIT THE COMBINATION OF THE MACHINE AND THE DIVINE AND NOT EXPECT ME TO GO FERAL
HAVE YOU SEEN MY PINTEREST THAT STUFF HAS ME GGGRRGRRGOJAOAWFOAJOFJFJFJFSJSFJFJF

plus how faulkner describes the giant telephone pylons and ANGELS
IM IN HEAT
 $%^@#^#$%#& 357@42#$^@23#13
/j chat
BUT PLEASE
I WILL WILLINGLY DEVOTE MYSELF TO THE SAINT ELECTRIC ANY FRICKING DAY
I LOVE HER 
I LOVE HER

my hear me outs are the saint electric and the mother of puppets
okay but i always imagine the mother of puppets as one of those wooden drawing mannequins with eight arms and spider silk
but like
elegant and beautiful

i love women of divine horror

The Waxen Scrivener? 
someone took the term 'book worm' a little too seriously, I think

hm who else

OH YEAH RADIO MAN
SID WRIGHT, STARTING YOUR DAY OFF WRIGHT
wait i just searched him up-- HE HAS A SPINOFF SERIES OH MY GOSH
I LOVE HIIIM
AND HIS CONCEPT 
ROTTING AWAY IN GRINDING SERVITUDE 
His voice actor did an insane job too
His pain felt so real
Sid my baby please
Again though ritual sacrifice like what he's going through
TOO GOOD I CAN'T

Fun fact: in my earlier online aliases, Wright was my last name
ABABABAB

I saw a post joking about how fiction podcasts are just... so gay
like in general
and I had finished tma so I was like "understandable"
BUT THEY REALLY ARE
FIRST NON MAIN CHARACTER WE SEE 
His husband left him
jeez we're always bullying the gays first it was the homophobic vase stealing husbands and now it's a really hungry hole
it brings me such joy

one complaint i do have though about the silt verses
is that the audio mixing is... not the best

the mics have background static sometimes and its clear lines weren't recorded together
plus the sound effects are very sound effecty yk
AND I WISH THEY KEPT GOING WHILE THE CHARACTERS WERE MONOLOGING
LIKE PLEASE CHARITY KEEP SCREAMING

it's worth the story though
im sure it'll improve

abababababababab

i also love how faulkner never acknowledges that he killed his brother
or that he's dead at all, really
he just helped him hear the music
and its perfect because obviously he isn't killing his brother, or that innkeeper
its message for the faithful
he's helping his god
gosh the chills when he drowns the guy at the hotel...
faulkner hrrgherhreherhrhrhrhrshrh i love it

FAULKNER MEANS "FALCON TAMER" BY THE WAY
so basically everyone serving the trawler man said "pick a profession!!!"
-carpenter
-mason
-f a l c o n  t a m e r
Indisputably the coolest
im not biased

ooh the dog thing in that one episode with charity
number 4
the first time i heard it those cries were horrifying oh my god

that's it for now jeez
get a load of this guy