Long Time No See + My College Experience Right Now (It's Boring Asf)

Heyyy! I've been gone for what feels like so long. College as a neurodivergent person is not for the weak! As much as I love it when it's cold and dark outside, not being able to simply enjoy the weather without worrying about deadlines or dreading wearing a coat because of the feeling of all of the layers at once isn't easy. I miss October weather so bad it's not even funny. 

This semester has been going well academically, but I'm not gonna lie, not having friends here is really making the whole "college experience" feel dull and repetitive. I haven't gone out in a year, and even thought frat parties are typically what sober me would consider my personal hell and frat guys are absolutely disgusting and idiotic, I miss the feeling of being drunk at a party and not having anyone stare at you. I love big parties because it quite honestly feels like you're in your own little bubble with the people you came with. That mixed with the fact that I never get approached by guys at parties makes for a truly blissful experience. Everyone is so drunk and/or high that you can quite literally stim to your heart's content and nobody will look at you crazy because they're all doing the same shit. Though, one time I went completely sober (not on purpose) and wanted to rip my skin off so bad from overstimulation that I ran to the bar to get a cup of that mysterious jungle juice every frat has for some reason, only this time it was watered down as fuck and tasted like actual juice (thank fuck it didn't have anything crazy in it...DON'T DRINK FRAT JUNGLE JUICE!!), so I remained completely sober. Luckily that time the party was so dead my group ultimately decided to grab food and call it a night, but I still needed the entire next day to recover.

I honestly crave the feeling of being at another party dancing to PWI frat music ("Party Rock Anthem" is my SHIT though don't get me wrong). I need to make friends that enjoy parties and actually include me in things but it's hard when you're 20 and have the social skills of a rock. I see so many cool people at my college every time I go to class or to the dining hall but I physically can't talk to them. I need people to come up to me and engage with me in order to actually speak and it fucking SUCKS because no one ever does. I've tried going to club meetings but going to crowded meetings overstimulates me beyond belief so I either shut down, navigate the nearest exit, or simply go quiet the entire time. Since everything is so overwhelming for me I often hide out in my room in between classes, but that only exacerbates the 'no friends' problem. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do?? Like???

Anyway, I have no clue when I'll post on here next, but I hope you all are doing well! Let's all collectively hope/pray that I'll be able to make cool friends at this fuck-ass school some time soon lol. Byeeee!

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