A blog

Monday, march 3rd

I’ve decided that since Nobody’ll really even see this mess, I may as well start an online journal of a sort. Besides, I need someone to talk to, even if this’ll just be a sorta wall. Whatever. 

Well, for starters My name isn’t Jonas. I wish It were, but it’s just a clear fact that I’m not. I’m a girl, even if I REALLY wish I weren’t. I’m 13, and this sorta problem has been following me for ages. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I love my parents with all my heart, but they’d take it horribly that I don’t wanna be me. I’m not sure if i can really do it anymore, and I think people are starting to notice somethings wrong with me. It’s not even just the gender thing, I can’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I hate it, so much. I hate how long my hairs gotten, and I had to beg my Ma for the last one. My hairs starting to reach my shoulders now, and I’m not sure I can do it anymore. Maybe I’ll try to cut it myself, but dad’ll get real mad. They hate me even resembling what I wanna be. It ain’t fair none more.

It doesn’t exactly help with the fact that I wanna go on a diet. It took me months to even just place a letter on Ma’s desk telling her this, because I was just so very scared. Ain’t that sad? I’m scared of telling my mom that I ain’t happy. It was last week, I think, that this happened to me. But she didn’t get that my weight follows me everywhere, or that it legit bothers me to look at myself sometimes. She just thought I wanted to look my older sister and not get bullied, which the second part is totally true. I keep on having this nightmare of highschool next year over n over, it’s truly horrible. I just wish someone understood me, without me havin’ to tell them. I’m just some scared kid, man.

If someone’s reading this, maybe give a kid some advice? Or just read and feel bad, or something? I dunno none more.